By: Laura Altman
Sidra wrote her essay on the song “If I were a boy” by Beyonce Knowles. Her thesis on what this song meant was “, Beyonce sings about the empathy she would have if she were a man. Because she knows the feelings described well, from direct experience, she would be able to know those feelings as a man and then be a "better man" from it. She would inherently know how to treat a woman if she were a man because she would know how she wants men to treat her. With this empathy, she would be a better man.” This song deals with all form of rhetoric, this song has more pathos than anything. It allows the listeners and viewers to relate with what she is talking about. There are many relationships out there that are or have been in that same situation. The argument in the video is that men have a special privilege giving them the ability to so whatever and not worrying about their other half. Being able to make up excuses for the phone being off; or going out any time to have a beer. The song makes it sound like all men are like that and the things she talks about is true but for only a majority. Beyonce says how that if she were a boy, she would treat them like they the way they want them to be treated.
Sidra did a good job in using examples, for every statement made she had an example to back it up. With those examples she compared it with the song and video. That made it more clear for me to understand. Such as; “She describes about how she could go out and cheat and have her male friends stick up for her and deny all rumors. She was saying in her song that she would turn her phone off, so she couldn’t be reached by her loved one. Males usually use an excuse when a woman can’t get a hold of them by their cell, they say it’s broken or they didn’t have reception. Men have the privilege to be able to turn off their phone and not care about missing calls. Well, that's the privilege Beyonce is trying to suggest that men have. In reality, men are slaves to their cell phones as much as women are.”, “The end of the song is saying you’re pretty much just like every other guy and won’t understand any of what she has to say about being a better man. She knows what it’s like to be mistreated in a relationship and she puts everything into it while the guy, just treats her as if she didn’t even exist.”,” At the end though she switched back to a women and you could tell she wasn’t happy with the things were going and that he will never understand the things he has put her through.” I think that Sidra did a great job at pointing out the main statements in the lyrics and how it was represented in the video. The only thing I would add is how in the beginning of the video Beyonce and her boyfriend in the video go back and forwards listing words. Such as; intimacy, honesty, and commitment then together they say “you, me” I think those words are the key of any relationship and by them both saying “you, Me” means it takes both partners to contribute.
Sidra’s analysis examples were great. She had a good thesis and how she interpreted the lyrics to the video. By watching the video you see how she acted as if she were the man in the relationship she would completely dismiss her partner and do what she wanted will her partner was at home safe and sound worrying about her. Then in the end it switch roles and now she was the one that was at home the whole time while it was really him going out and turning off his phone. She was put her in the place of his every day activity and then stated that if she were really a boy she would treat them how they want to be treated. Sidra looked at reality and stated that “I think the song may be a little sexist, because not every guy is out there being unfaithful and mistreating females. There are a lot of females out there doing the same thing as this male in the song. It is not always the male doing wrong in the relationship. This song may be a little misleading, but it usually is the male that messes up. In general this song is very symbolic and represents a lot of relationships around the world. The song has potential by changes the ways of a male, maybe if they care about their significant other enough they will realize how much they are hurting them and stop, but by the end of the song she sings “but your just a boy” so she’s say that you won’t every understand how it feels to be treated like this day after day.”
The one thing from the essay and in the video/ lyrics is definitely how in the end Beyonce is answering to her boyfriend and then the rolls change and the boyfriend is the answering to her asking “Why are you so jealous? Its not like im sleeping with the girl” Beyonce then blames the fact that he doesn’t understand because he is “just a boy”. It stands out because when they switch rolls you realize she wasnt just imitating what she thinks a guy does she took on the roll of her boyfriend. Then when they switched he didnt care how she felt, and she blames it on him being a boy as if it is the typical guy and so she puts up with it and doesnt want to let go.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
peer review for "Ghosts
In Laura's essay the "Ghost" by Michael Jackson she states her thesis "When things start to change in your life because of something you can’t control. The effects of what is happening are as plain as the nose on your face, but you don’t know what is causing them." At least thats what i think it is. This song was a little bit confusing to understand. Michael jackson is so weird, the video is a little bit more understanding. Her thesis does deal with the subject matter. The song deals with the outlook other people have on him and it is not a good one. They look at him as an outcast as they do with his family.
She does provide many examples and supports in her essay such as;In the song he talks about hearing and seeing things going on but nothing there to make it all happen. He constantly asks. “Who gave you the right to shake my family? Who gave you the right to shake my baby, she needs me.” But he knows that the thing he sees and hears is really there because it is coming onto him. He then asks “Are you the ghost of jealousy.” "Jealousy is like a drug, once it settles in it is hard to overcome and it grows stronger causing emotional pain for yourself and most of the time others as well" she also talks about how would you feel if you were in his place and she describes the way he is feeling. She did a good job with explaining the song.
The song/video was a short film. She does a good job at analyizing both the text and the video. example from her essay "Michael introduces his family stating he is not alone in the house and out come ghost from the walls the stairs the chairs the floor just like in his song. I think the ghost are a symbol of how all the problems killed his family" Michael also jumps inside another mans body while hes a ghost and controls the man and lets him know what its like to be him. That's just one of the statements that supports her thesis.
the first paragraph is the one that stands out to me the last couple of sentences shows pathos and how this song really does affect people out there in relationships. It will make you think how this song does relate to you or others around you, you know.
by sidra
She does provide many examples and supports in her essay such as;In the song he talks about hearing and seeing things going on but nothing there to make it all happen. He constantly asks. “Who gave you the right to shake my family? Who gave you the right to shake my baby, she needs me.” But he knows that the thing he sees and hears is really there because it is coming onto him. He then asks “Are you the ghost of jealousy.” "Jealousy is like a drug, once it settles in it is hard to overcome and it grows stronger causing emotional pain for yourself and most of the time others as well" she also talks about how would you feel if you were in his place and she describes the way he is feeling. She did a good job with explaining the song.
The song/video was a short film. She does a good job at analyizing both the text and the video. example from her essay "Michael introduces his family stating he is not alone in the house and out come ghost from the walls the stairs the chairs the floor just like in his song. I think the ghost are a symbol of how all the problems killed his family" Michael also jumps inside another mans body while hes a ghost and controls the man and lets him know what its like to be him. That's just one of the statements that supports her thesis.
the first paragraph is the one that stands out to me the last couple of sentences shows pathos and how this song really does affect people out there in relationships. It will make you think how this song does relate to you or others around you, you know.
by sidra
This music, as with all the types of world music, holds its own set of characteristics and deserves respect regardless of taste. The language is different, but just because it's foreign, or you just don't agree with it, does not allow it to be disregarded and disrespected. Do you speak perfect English? It's really no different than your son, daughter or friend using words common to your dialect or accent that only people in your surrounding area would understand. At this point, there are very few people speaking and using the English language as it was created. How ethnocentric are you to discriminate these people? Forgive me if you are in the process of critiquing the Blue Collar Comedy tour as well. But if you are just singling out this group of people, there are some underlying issues at hand. Since when was Robert Marley racist? Please post your sources. From what I know, his father was a white man from Scotland. Robert Nesto Marley: "I don't have prejudice against mself. My father was a white and my mother was black. Them call me half-caste or whatever. Me don't dip on no body's side. Me don't dip on the black man's side nor the white man's side. Me dip on God's side, the one who create me and cause me to come from black and white." Robert led his country through the hardships of discrimination at a level no less than any other activist.
Each society has its evils, its right from its wrong. What is relevant and accepted in one society may not be as welcomed in another, which is normal. But because some thing's not welcome in the U.S. does not mean that it is necessarily bad. For instance, in Saudi Arabia, you can serve multiple years in jail for possession or consumption of alcohol. Does that mean its O.K. for Saudis to call us alcoholics? Rastafarians deserve as much respect as Catholic Ceremonies involving the ingestion of wine during service. Both kill brain cells, both reek havoc in societies. Although this is not the argument at hand... which can cause death directly after ingestion?
Damien Marley has inherited musical talent and a reputation from his father and his mother. He, just as his father, is attempting to bring "their music out of the socially deprived areas of Jamaica and onto the international music scene." The majority of Damiens songs are about ghetto youth. "Ghetto youth in need and there is no doubt about it..." He has the talent to incorporate incredible sounds into a powerful movement. Why don't they shoot him? Why don't inner city kids from Philadelphia shoot Allen Iverson? Who are you going to take seriously from Jamaica? The ones with the AK's or the one's with the microphones? The kids sell drugs to get the money. The money that is needed in our world that we associate with cars that no one on this earth needs. Houses that could fulfill the needs of an entire block in Kingston or any ghetto. These kids see the tourist and get the wrong idea about how life should be. Damien is trying to bring light to his people and the poverty of his homeland. When's the last time you heard Kenny G talk about the meth problem of his home town in Washington?
Each society has its evils, its right from its wrong. What is relevant and accepted in one society may not be as welcomed in another, which is normal. But because some thing's not welcome in the U.S. does not mean that it is necessarily bad. For instance, in Saudi Arabia, you can serve multiple years in jail for possession or consumption of alcohol. Does that mean its O.K. for Saudis to call us alcoholics? Rastafarians deserve as much respect as Catholic Ceremonies involving the ingestion of wine during service. Both kill brain cells, both reek havoc in societies. Although this is not the argument at hand... which can cause death directly after ingestion?
Damien Marley has inherited musical talent and a reputation from his father and his mother. He, just as his father, is attempting to bring "their music out of the socially deprived areas of Jamaica and onto the international music scene." The majority of Damiens songs are about ghetto youth. "Ghetto youth in need and there is no doubt about it..." He has the talent to incorporate incredible sounds into a powerful movement. Why don't they shoot him? Why don't inner city kids from Philadelphia shoot Allen Iverson? Who are you going to take seriously from Jamaica? The ones with the AK's or the one's with the microphones? The kids sell drugs to get the money. The money that is needed in our world that we associate with cars that no one on this earth needs. Houses that could fulfill the needs of an entire block in Kingston or any ghetto. These kids see the tourist and get the wrong idea about how life should be. Damien is trying to bring light to his people and the poverty of his homeland. When's the last time you heard Kenny G talk about the meth problem of his home town in Washington?
Peer Review of "Sunday, Bloody Sunday"-Part 2
I did provide evidence of analysis of my examples. Once example of this is “Broken bottles at the children’s feet…”. This example proves the thesis when describing a war torn area. I will also need to provide the figurative language for each example.
Examples on which I should elaborate:
· The trench is dug within our hearts
· And mothers, children, brothers, sisters torn apart
· The religious mention of Jesus in the last verse.
The most outstanding aspect of my draft is about the music video. After watching the video, it proves how real it is. The realness of the video helps to prove the realness of the argument that the song is about.
Examples on which I should elaborate:
· The trench is dug within our hearts
· And mothers, children, brothers, sisters torn apart
· The religious mention of Jesus in the last verse.
The most outstanding aspect of my draft is about the music video. After watching the video, it proves how real it is. The realness of the video helps to prove the realness of the argument that the song is about.
Faythe's Peer Review for Herself
Peer Review for Faythes Rhetorical Analysis of the song "Skin."
1. Yes, the thesis is presented clearly. It is “in their song, ‘Skin,’ Rascal Flatts uses a touching story to show that hope can be found when facing painful and sorrowful times.” It could go either way, but with some small adjustments it could clearly be seen as dealing with rhetoric. The argument of the text has been identified. It is that when facing hurtful and sorrowful times hope can be found.
2. a. The writer uses several examples from the text and video to provide support for their argument.
“When they talk about how Sarabeth’s bruise ‘just won’t go away,’ the reader can almost feel the fear…”
“In the line, ‘the doctor just told her the news,’ they don’t use good or bad, but keep it neutral.”
“…hope with phrases like ‘gonna take care of you’, the therapy is ‘the strongest there is’ and ‘we caught it in time.’”
“…images such as dream, ‘without any cares’, dancing, first love and soft wind.”
“The phrase, ‘it would be a mistake for someone to take a girl with no hair to the prom’”
“At the very end, a small clip is shown as Sarabeth and her date are leaving.”
b. I found at least two items the writer could analyze.
The very last line of the song, “she isn’t scared.” In all the other choruses, the words, “and for a moment,” are in front of the phrase, but not in the last line.
Also, analyzing the scenes the band is in and the background may be helpful.
c. The analysis of the video is short in proportion to the analysis of the text.
3. The writer describes how each example relates to pathos or logos. These descriptions help to support the thesis. The writer takes the feelings of isolation that are prevalent in the beginning of the text and shows how the character is rid of these feelings at the end. The writer could further analyze the video and the last line of the song as I described before.
I’m just figuring out that reviewing your own work is really hard. I’m not really sure what could use more analysis, but I’m open to and welcome suggestions.
4. It’s hard to imagine that I could ever go through something as awful as a battle with cancer, but the worst part would be if I started chemo and actually lost my hair. That “proof” that this was actually happening, confirming all my fear, would probably bring me to my knees and I don’t know if I would be strong enough to get back up again. These feelings and that image are what stuck with me as well as being the most vivid image.
1. Yes, the thesis is presented clearly. It is “in their song, ‘Skin,’ Rascal Flatts uses a touching story to show that hope can be found when facing painful and sorrowful times.” It could go either way, but with some small adjustments it could clearly be seen as dealing with rhetoric. The argument of the text has been identified. It is that when facing hurtful and sorrowful times hope can be found.
2. a. The writer uses several examples from the text and video to provide support for their argument.
“When they talk about how Sarabeth’s bruise ‘just won’t go away,’ the reader can almost feel the fear…”
“In the line, ‘the doctor just told her the news,’ they don’t use good or bad, but keep it neutral.”
“…hope with phrases like ‘gonna take care of you’, the therapy is ‘the strongest there is’ and ‘we caught it in time.’”
“…images such as dream, ‘without any cares’, dancing, first love and soft wind.”
“The phrase, ‘it would be a mistake for someone to take a girl with no hair to the prom’”
“At the very end, a small clip is shown as Sarabeth and her date are leaving.”
b. I found at least two items the writer could analyze.
The very last line of the song, “she isn’t scared.” In all the other choruses, the words, “and for a moment,” are in front of the phrase, but not in the last line.
Also, analyzing the scenes the band is in and the background may be helpful.
c. The analysis of the video is short in proportion to the analysis of the text.
3. The writer describes how each example relates to pathos or logos. These descriptions help to support the thesis. The writer takes the feelings of isolation that are prevalent in the beginning of the text and shows how the character is rid of these feelings at the end. The writer could further analyze the video and the last line of the song as I described before.
I’m just figuring out that reviewing your own work is really hard. I’m not really sure what could use more analysis, but I’m open to and welcome suggestions.
4. It’s hard to imagine that I could ever go through something as awful as a battle with cancer, but the worst part would be if I started chemo and actually lost my hair. That “proof” that this was actually happening, confirming all my fear, would probably bring me to my knees and I don’t know if I would be strong enough to get back up again. These feelings and that image are what stuck with me as well as being the most vivid image.
Alannah Hanson Peer Review for Chelsea Aumen
Peer review for Chelsea Aumen “Not ready to make nice”
1. The writer’s thesis is indeed very clear. “In this song, The Dixie Chicks convince the world that freedom means nothing unless we have the freedom to speak our minds.” It is built up with some background information about the song. The thesis is built of rhetoric because it states the argument that is presented in the song. Throughout the paper the writer lists what the argument of both the video and the song, which is restating the thesis clearly. The writer talks about the imagery of the video and how it relates to the argument, which is that the Dixie chicks lead singer isn’t going to apologize for what she said, and that she has to right to free speech.
2. The writer uses many examples from the song text, and uses them well. She jumps right into examples after her thesis with: The repetition of the lines “I’m not ready to make nice, I’m not ready to back down” states that she is not going to essentially “make nice” and apologize for what she said because that would go against everything she believes in. And: paid a price and I’ll keep praying” states that she knows she is going to be hated for a long time by some people, maybe even the rest of her life, for standing up for what she believes in but she made her bed and she will “sleep like a baby with no regrets”. She is saying here that she knows that what she said hurt a lot of Americans but she doesn’t regret what she did.
Maines also uses repetition at the being and end of the song when she states “Forgive, sounds good. Forget, I’m not sure I could.” She is saying that she will forgive the people that wrote her hate letters but she will never forget the lessons she learned. These examples all provide great support to her thesis. I noticed that the writer didn’t identify any use of logos pathos and ethos, so putting some examples of those in would be a good idea, because they all tie to rhetoric. So the writer’s descriptions are pretty good, it just lacks the logos, pathos, and ethos.
3. The writers examples in the video are great supportive to the paper’s thesis ..she states all sorts of examples for all of the scenes in the video: At the beginning of the video, they are dressed in white, as a metaphor to their innocence. Then, they smear black paint over all of their dresses as to signify that they were shunned and deemed black sheep because of what they said. There is also a scene in the video where the two women are trying to hold Natalie Maines down. This signifies that she is trying to break out and she is sick of trying to be “perfect”. In the middle of the video all three girls walk up and hold each other’s hands and “brush off” the pain and commentary they received for speaking their minds.Since she uses examples of all the scenes from the video, instead of just one part, it strengthens the presentation of her argument. Again there is no mention of logos, pathos, or ethos. And the writer says represents a lot, where symbolism could be played. But the argument and thesis are backed up and presented clearly.The one thing that sticks with me from this essay is the fact that her examples are really clearly presenting her argument. They present such a good argument for the reader to better understand what the song really meant. I had never heard this song before and now I understand it, because I wouldn’t have made the tie to the president, if I hadn’t read this paper. The part that really sticks through from the video is the part where she talks about the paint and the black sheep. That is a really good interpretation and makes a lot of sense.
1. The writer’s thesis is indeed very clear. “In this song, The Dixie Chicks convince the world that freedom means nothing unless we have the freedom to speak our minds.” It is built up with some background information about the song. The thesis is built of rhetoric because it states the argument that is presented in the song. Throughout the paper the writer lists what the argument of both the video and the song, which is restating the thesis clearly. The writer talks about the imagery of the video and how it relates to the argument, which is that the Dixie chicks lead singer isn’t going to apologize for what she said, and that she has to right to free speech.
2. The writer uses many examples from the song text, and uses them well. She jumps right into examples after her thesis with: The repetition of the lines “I’m not ready to make nice, I’m not ready to back down” states that she is not going to essentially “make nice” and apologize for what she said because that would go against everything she believes in. And: paid a price and I’ll keep praying” states that she knows she is going to be hated for a long time by some people, maybe even the rest of her life, for standing up for what she believes in but she made her bed and she will “sleep like a baby with no regrets”. She is saying here that she knows that what she said hurt a lot of Americans but she doesn’t regret what she did.
Maines also uses repetition at the being and end of the song when she states “Forgive, sounds good. Forget, I’m not sure I could.” She is saying that she will forgive the people that wrote her hate letters but she will never forget the lessons she learned. These examples all provide great support to her thesis. I noticed that the writer didn’t identify any use of logos pathos and ethos, so putting some examples of those in would be a good idea, because they all tie to rhetoric. So the writer’s descriptions are pretty good, it just lacks the logos, pathos, and ethos.
3. The writers examples in the video are great supportive to the paper’s thesis ..she states all sorts of examples for all of the scenes in the video: At the beginning of the video, they are dressed in white, as a metaphor to their innocence. Then, they smear black paint over all of their dresses as to signify that they were shunned and deemed black sheep because of what they said. There is also a scene in the video where the two women are trying to hold Natalie Maines down. This signifies that she is trying to break out and she is sick of trying to be “perfect”. In the middle of the video all three girls walk up and hold each other’s hands and “brush off” the pain and commentary they received for speaking their minds.Since she uses examples of all the scenes from the video, instead of just one part, it strengthens the presentation of her argument. Again there is no mention of logos, pathos, or ethos. And the writer says represents a lot, where symbolism could be played. But the argument and thesis are backed up and presented clearly.The one thing that sticks with me from this essay is the fact that her examples are really clearly presenting her argument. They present such a good argument for the reader to better understand what the song really meant. I had never heard this song before and now I understand it, because I wouldn’t have made the tie to the president, if I hadn’t read this paper. The part that really sticks through from the video is the part where she talks about the paint and the black sheep. That is a really good interpretation and makes a lot of sense.
Peer Review- "Sunday, Bloody Sunday"-Part 1
In my rhetorical analysis of U2’s “Sunday, Bloody Sunday”, I do have a thesis. My thesis is: The song “Sunday, Bloody Sunday”, by U2, is a prime example of lyrics which are trying to convey the scary truths of war in order to find a solution to stop the bloodshed. After reading my thesis, I feel that I should include the word “rhetoric” in my thesis, simply for the purpose of emphasis for my essay. The argument is identified in the thesis; however, I’m not sure that it is crystal clear. I feel that by adding the word rhetoric, or rhetorical, to my thesis would make my thesis clear to readers.
I do use specific examples of rhetoric in my essay. “Wish I could close my eyes and make it go away”, is one example I explain with rhetorical analysis. “How long? How long must we sing this song? How long? How long?” is also an example, which I describe, is also uses figurative language to emphasize the question in the song.
Other examples that could be analyzed:
· “It puts my back up, puts my back up against the wall”
· “And it's true we are immune when fact is fiction and TV reality”
· “We eat and drink while tomorrow they die”
Examples where I can be more specific:
· “How long, how long must we sing this song? How long? How long?”- Here I can use the history to explain, and give the reader more understanding of the argument.
I do use specific examples of rhetoric in my essay. “Wish I could close my eyes and make it go away”, is one example I explain with rhetorical analysis. “How long? How long must we sing this song? How long? How long?” is also an example, which I describe, is also uses figurative language to emphasize the question in the song.
Other examples that could be analyzed:
· “It puts my back up, puts my back up against the wall”
· “And it's true we are immune when fact is fiction and TV reality”
· “We eat and drink while tomorrow they die”
Examples where I can be more specific:
· “How long, how long must we sing this song? How long? How long?”- Here I can use the history to explain, and give the reader more understanding of the argument.
Peer Review for Austin Chandler "Dance"
I just read Austin Chandler's essay and the first thought that came to my mind is that this essay is written very well for being just a first draft. The author has used many examples for both the text and video portion of this song.
1) Is there a clear thesis? What is it? Does it deal with rhetoric or subject matter? Does the writer identify the argument of the text and video? What is the argument?
There is a clear thesis which is the writer is trying to convince the reader that the pain that comes with the end of a relationship is worth the experience. I do think that the subject matter is stated very well in this piece. The whole beginning of a relationship, the high and lows of the relationship and the inevitable end of the relationship. What I got from this thesis personally is that in life you have to take the good with the bad no matter what because you learn from it in the end and build from it.
2) Does the writer provide specific support/examples from the text and video.
Both the text and video give an enormous amount of examples such as:
a) In the first part of the song, it refers to “the dance we shared ‘neath the stars above”, reflecting a romantic scene that was playing out in the story that the writer is telling. In the second verse, the writer talks about how “for a moment wasn’t I a king.” This imagery is used to illustrate that he was feeling on top of the world when he was dancing with that special person. The king imagery goes on to the next line, with him saying “But if I’d only know how the king would fall.” The fall represents how hurtful it would be to leave or be left by his dancing partner.
b) At one point, you see President John F. Kennedy with his family, showing their private dance. He also shared a public dance with the American people as their president. It was horrible that he was assassinated so young in life, but the people would still want him to be the president knowing he would die.
c) Next, Martin Luther King Jr. is shown holding one of his children and talking with his wife. If Martin Luther King hadn’t fought for civil rights, we would have been in a very different world, which makes his sacrifice even more important.
d) The actor John Wayne and his wife are another pair. He was a great movie star who died of cancer. His example sends the message that if even if he had not been film, we would not have the types of westerns and classic movies that we have today.
e) Also, the crew of the space shuttle Challenger is shown preparing to board the ship, not that they will return to Earth.
3) Does the writer provide analysis of his or her support/examples? Do the examples help the thesis? How could the writer provide further analysis? List some examples that could use more analysis?
Yes the writer provide analysis of this or her support/examples which is stated in the above section through his personal views. I think personally all the examples Austin used was put together very well, they flowed smoothly. It made me want to read the essay more when it end which was the only bad thing about it. The only thing that the writer could provide for further analysis is more indepth information of each character such as John Wayne and Martin Luther King Jr. Other than that this essay was very enjoyable to read which is saying something from my perspective to say the least.
4) What is the one thing that sticks with you from the essay? Why do you think it's most vivid to you?
I think for me personally the one thing that sticks for this essay is the word imagery, because it connects each part of the song and video. Without it, it leaves you hanging in a way that makes it look abstract. It gives transition throughout the piece.
-By Mark Lundh
1) Is there a clear thesis? What is it? Does it deal with rhetoric or subject matter? Does the writer identify the argument of the text and video? What is the argument?
There is a clear thesis which is the writer is trying to convince the reader that the pain that comes with the end of a relationship is worth the experience. I do think that the subject matter is stated very well in this piece. The whole beginning of a relationship, the high and lows of the relationship and the inevitable end of the relationship. What I got from this thesis personally is that in life you have to take the good with the bad no matter what because you learn from it in the end and build from it.
2) Does the writer provide specific support/examples from the text and video.
Both the text and video give an enormous amount of examples such as:
a) In the first part of the song, it refers to “the dance we shared ‘neath the stars above”, reflecting a romantic scene that was playing out in the story that the writer is telling. In the second verse, the writer talks about how “for a moment wasn’t I a king.” This imagery is used to illustrate that he was feeling on top of the world when he was dancing with that special person. The king imagery goes on to the next line, with him saying “But if I’d only know how the king would fall.” The fall represents how hurtful it would be to leave or be left by his dancing partner.
b) At one point, you see President John F. Kennedy with his family, showing their private dance. He also shared a public dance with the American people as their president. It was horrible that he was assassinated so young in life, but the people would still want him to be the president knowing he would die.
c) Next, Martin Luther King Jr. is shown holding one of his children and talking with his wife. If Martin Luther King hadn’t fought for civil rights, we would have been in a very different world, which makes his sacrifice even more important.
d) The actor John Wayne and his wife are another pair. He was a great movie star who died of cancer. His example sends the message that if even if he had not been film, we would not have the types of westerns and classic movies that we have today.
e) Also, the crew of the space shuttle Challenger is shown preparing to board the ship, not that they will return to Earth.
3) Does the writer provide analysis of his or her support/examples? Do the examples help the thesis? How could the writer provide further analysis? List some examples that could use more analysis?
Yes the writer provide analysis of this or her support/examples which is stated in the above section through his personal views. I think personally all the examples Austin used was put together very well, they flowed smoothly. It made me want to read the essay more when it end which was the only bad thing about it. The only thing that the writer could provide for further analysis is more indepth information of each character such as John Wayne and Martin Luther King Jr. Other than that this essay was very enjoyable to read which is saying something from my perspective to say the least.
4) What is the one thing that sticks with you from the essay? Why do you think it's most vivid to you?
I think for me personally the one thing that sticks for this essay is the word imagery, because it connects each part of the song and video. Without it, it leaves you hanging in a way that makes it look abstract. It gives transition throughout the piece.
-By Mark Lundh
Peer Review for Jess H - "The Dance"
Peer Review for Jess H – “The Dance”
I’m guessing that the thesis to her essay is, ““The Dance”, is written by Tony Arata and performed by Garth Brooks, together they create a strong argument for a way to view life.” I think her thesis is somewhat clear and understanding, however I think she should add a little more onto it. Her thesis deals with rhetoric as they are persuading that this is the way to view life. She does identify the argument of the text and the video. The argument to her essay is “The argument is to enjoy your life and not to worry about the pain that may be caused in the end.”
The writer does provide specific support and examples from the text and video for her essay.
In text the writer uses the following examples:
*She uses the chorus, “I’m glad I didn’t know the way it all would end, the way it all would go. Our lives, are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain, but I’da had to miss, the dance.” *She also uses “Wasn't I a king? But if I'd only known, how the king would fall. Hey who's to say, you know I might have changed it all.”
* The last example she uses is “For a moment all the world was right.”
From the video she uses the following examples:
*This example is an opening message from Garth Brooks saying what the song is about, “is about life, or the loss of those that have given the ultimate sacrifice for a dream that they believed in.”
*This example is what Garth Brooks states at the end of t he song in the video, “If for some reason I was to leave this world unexpectedly I hope they play “The Dance” for me. Yea, I could have missed the pain but I'da had to miss the the dance and I wouldn't miss this for the world.”
The writer did cover a good bit of the song. If the writer would use any more examples she should probably use more from the first verse as well as this is where she should probably be more descriptive.
The writer does provide analysis for her examples that she used. As well as these examples do help and go along with the thesis well. I think the writer did a good job analyzing, however, I think she should further analyzing the first verse some more. Maybe the writer could use the last two lines where it says, “How could I have known / that you’d ever say goodbye?” With these two lines she could say that not knowing what’s going to happen is part of life, because if we did know what was going to lay ahead then a lot of obstacles probably wouldn’t happen in our lives and then our lives would be boring. For the video I think the writer did good but maybe she could further analysis by going along the lines as to whether or not the video visuals matches the text of the song.
The part that sticks with me the most is the chorus when Garth Brooks says, “And now / I’m glad I didn’t know / The way it all would end / the way it all would go / Our lives, / Are better left to chance / I could have missed the pain, / But I’da had to miss the dance.” I think this part really sticks to me the most because he doesn’t regret what happened, he actually is glad it did and that he took the chance to do this because of all the good things he experienced along the way.
I’m guessing that the thesis to her essay is, ““The Dance”, is written by Tony Arata and performed by Garth Brooks, together they create a strong argument for a way to view life.” I think her thesis is somewhat clear and understanding, however I think she should add a little more onto it. Her thesis deals with rhetoric as they are persuading that this is the way to view life. She does identify the argument of the text and the video. The argument to her essay is “The argument is to enjoy your life and not to worry about the pain that may be caused in the end.”
The writer does provide specific support and examples from the text and video for her essay.
In text the writer uses the following examples:
*She uses the chorus, “I’m glad I didn’t know the way it all would end, the way it all would go. Our lives, are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain, but I’da had to miss, the dance.” *She also uses “Wasn't I a king? But if I'd only known, how the king would fall. Hey who's to say, you know I might have changed it all.”
* The last example she uses is “For a moment all the world was right.”
From the video she uses the following examples:
*This example is an opening message from Garth Brooks saying what the song is about, “is about life, or the loss of those that have given the ultimate sacrifice for a dream that they believed in.”
*This example is what Garth Brooks states at the end of t he song in the video, “If for some reason I was to leave this world unexpectedly I hope they play “The Dance” for me. Yea, I could have missed the pain but I'da had to miss the the dance and I wouldn't miss this for the world.”
The writer did cover a good bit of the song. If the writer would use any more examples she should probably use more from the first verse as well as this is where she should probably be more descriptive.
The writer does provide analysis for her examples that she used. As well as these examples do help and go along with the thesis well. I think the writer did a good job analyzing, however, I think she should further analyzing the first verse some more. Maybe the writer could use the last two lines where it says, “How could I have known / that you’d ever say goodbye?” With these two lines she could say that not knowing what’s going to happen is part of life, because if we did know what was going to lay ahead then a lot of obstacles probably wouldn’t happen in our lives and then our lives would be boring. For the video I think the writer did good but maybe she could further analysis by going along the lines as to whether or not the video visuals matches the text of the song.
The part that sticks with me the most is the chorus when Garth Brooks says, “And now / I’m glad I didn’t know / The way it all would end / the way it all would go / Our lives, / Are better left to chance / I could have missed the pain, / But I’da had to miss the dance.” I think this part really sticks to me the most because he doesn’t regret what happened, he actually is glad it did and that he took the chance to do this because of all the good things he experienced along the way.
Peer Review of Jared Helwig
The thesis of this rhetoric analysis, from what I've gathered, is "life may be painful, but if you 'let go', and 'jump in' there are many things in life that are worth going through any of the pain and challenging times." It certainly coincides with what I read in the lyrics and serves as a legitimate summary of the song. The argument is relayed from both the text and the video with a good explanation of particular scenes and imagery. The analysis describes "let go" as an effort of Frou Frou to influence people to act on impulses instead of plan for the future. Satisfy the here and now; there's no certainty of things to come.
In the analysis, there are direct examples from the text accompanied with explanation and some translation. The examples used are a quotation of the second verse, bold statements that support the song's argument, as well as a description of important scenes from the music video. I noticed that some small parts of the video held strong symbolism and where metaphoric. For example: While the couple are standing in the rain, why is the arrow pointed towards him? Maybe it reveals who needs to commit him or herself. In another view, the car crash in the video sums up the entire argument. "We have no time for later." A car accident is something that is so feasible and real yet devastating and life changing. Including the car accident in the comparison of the video to the text would create a stronger bond between the two. Elaboration of imagery and symbolic situations that support the argument would both lengthen the analysis and give a consistent flow. Another major aspect of the video that would add to the analysis is its usage of Pathos. As I watched the video, I definitely felt the argument. I felt the need for an impulse decision, the outcome of either a sink or swim situation. The car crash is definitely dramatic and "appeals to the heart." This makes the argument/ song very convincing.
The rhetoric analysis of "Let Go" looks strongly into the idea of living your life on your own terms. The bold statements in the song are used in the analysis to back up the arguments. Using "it gains more than it gives" when writing about freedom emphasizes the points made in the writing. This really brings the analysis together in a consistent flow. As far as further analysis, more descriptions of symbolism will greatly add to the writing. It will greatly contribute to the length and the flow of consciousness of the rhetoric analysis.
"We have no time for later" is by far the best sentence in this writing. This quote is perfect for both life in general and relationships. It is present throughout the entire music video, urging the audience to not always worry about the future; it states 'you never know what the future holds.' I think that the rest of the lyrics just attempt to recreate this sentence. It is definitely the theme of the song.
In the analysis, there are direct examples from the text accompanied with explanation and some translation. The examples used are a quotation of the second verse, bold statements that support the song's argument, as well as a description of important scenes from the music video. I noticed that some small parts of the video held strong symbolism and where metaphoric. For example: While the couple are standing in the rain, why is the arrow pointed towards him? Maybe it reveals who needs to commit him or herself. In another view, the car crash in the video sums up the entire argument. "We have no time for later." A car accident is something that is so feasible and real yet devastating and life changing. Including the car accident in the comparison of the video to the text would create a stronger bond between the two. Elaboration of imagery and symbolic situations that support the argument would both lengthen the analysis and give a consistent flow. Another major aspect of the video that would add to the analysis is its usage of Pathos. As I watched the video, I definitely felt the argument. I felt the need for an impulse decision, the outcome of either a sink or swim situation. The car crash is definitely dramatic and "appeals to the heart." This makes the argument/ song very convincing.
The rhetoric analysis of "Let Go" looks strongly into the idea of living your life on your own terms. The bold statements in the song are used in the analysis to back up the arguments. Using "it gains more than it gives" when writing about freedom emphasizes the points made in the writing. This really brings the analysis together in a consistent flow. As far as further analysis, more descriptions of symbolism will greatly add to the writing. It will greatly contribute to the length and the flow of consciousness of the rhetoric analysis.
"We have no time for later" is by far the best sentence in this writing. This quote is perfect for both life in general and relationships. It is present throughout the entire music video, urging the audience to not always worry about the future; it states 'you never know what the future holds.' I think that the rest of the lyrics just attempt to recreate this sentence. It is definitely the theme of the song.
peer review for brandy
I thought that the thesis was very clear in the paper it says “She is speaking as if she was a boy. She speaks as if she was in a relationship, everything she would do.” This clearly states what the song is all about and it also states what the argument of the song is. The thesis does clearly state what the rhetoric of the song is all about, because the song is talking about what she would do on the other side of the relationship. I think you got the argument of the song down just right.
Thought out your whole paper you are constantly proving the reader with quotes form the song. I think this is really helpful to the reader because then they know exactly where you are coming from. I really like how you quoted form the song and then explained it afterwards I thought that it was very helpful. The only other place I think that you could have added more detail was maybe in the part about where you talked about the video. I feel like you could have described the argument of the video better.
I think that you did a very good job with explaining all of your examples. I also feel that all of you examples supported your thesis very well. I don’t know that you could have put more analysis in with your examples because your paper was all examples the description. So I think that you did a great jot with that. The only part that you might want to add a little more is in the part about the video.
One part that really stuck out to me in the paper was when in the song it says I would listen to her, this stuck out just because I thin that it is one think that every needs to do better. I think that is was must vivid to me just because it makes so much sense she wouldn’t be complaining about the boy if he would just listen.
Thought out your whole paper you are constantly proving the reader with quotes form the song. I think this is really helpful to the reader because then they know exactly where you are coming from. I really like how you quoted form the song and then explained it afterwards I thought that it was very helpful. The only other place I think that you could have added more detail was maybe in the part about where you talked about the video. I feel like you could have described the argument of the video better.
I think that you did a very good job with explaining all of your examples. I also feel that all of you examples supported your thesis very well. I don’t know that you could have put more analysis in with your examples because your paper was all examples the description. So I think that you did a great jot with that. The only part that you might want to add a little more is in the part about the video.
One part that really stuck out to me in the paper was when in the song it says I would listen to her, this stuck out just because I thin that it is one think that every needs to do better. I think that is was must vivid to me just because it makes so much sense she wouldn’t be complaining about the boy if he would just listen.
Peer Review on Nicole Brittain song "Spotlight"by Jennifer Hudson
“Prisoner of Love”
In the first two paragraphs Nicole talked about Jennifer Hudson’s life before and after she won a Golden Globe and an Oscar for her role in the movie “Dream Girls”. The thesis is there but it should have been outlined in the first of second paragraph of Nicole’s essay. This would have made it clear enough to the readers. In my opinion Nicole could have addressed what message the audience received from the song, for example “Jennifer Hudson proves to the listeners how some men are not secured in their relationship with their woman. Nicole still got the message across to her audience.
The Thesis could have read. “Jennifer Hudson proved to her audience how controlling her relationship with her man is and how she feels like a “Prisoner of Love” in her relationship or words to that effect.
The Thesis of the writer is “Are you a guard in a prison maximum security?” (Prisoner of Love). The writer does explain the above statement of how “Jennifer asks this question to get to the basis of what her song is about. She does not want to be “locked away out of fear that [She’ll] find someone else” quote. Nicole’s thesis deals with the Rhetoric through out the paper just like the video states.
The argument in the video speaks for it self it has great imagery and tone. It shows in the artist face the frustrated she is going through in this relationship and it is clear that she is a prisoner of love in her relationship
In the video the spotlight on stage where Jennifer was performing for her man as he set in the chair, the spotlight was shining on him and it interfered with his vision. The directors showed the viewers how her man felt when he was in the spotlight light. When you watch that part of the video her man move his hands up over his face to protect his eyes because there was too much light shining on him, this is a good example of a logo and imagery and the point the director was trying to get across to the audience.
Nicole does provided specific supporting examples and so does the video. In the beginning of the video Jennifer is on the phone with her girlfriend, she clicks over to talk to her men, he is talking to her in a very rough tone of voice and sound like a stalker.
Nicole does provide specific support in her text about the thesis. This is a very good example, “Do we stay home all the time cause you want me to yourself?”
Nicole also use the chorus of the song as her supporting text: “Ms. Hudson makes a stand. Loud and proud she sings to her beau. “I don’t like, living under your spotlight, just because you think I might, find somebody worthy.”
There are a couple of examples Nicole could have included: As Jennifer walk thought the alley while singing that could have been a sign of her walking away from the relationship.
Nicole could have gone into more details about the scene when Jennifer and her man were in the club and she took him into the other room. That scène could have been a sign of embarrassment on Jennifer’s part because she didn’t want anyone to know her man is so jealous that he stalks her.
Nicole could have been more descriptive when she talked about how the “majority of the video is then focused on Jennifer singing her song”. She could have been more descriptive of showing how the video helps convey the emotion and strength felt in the song by her man.
Nicole’s supporting text of her analyzing the song “Spotlight” is very good. Halfway though the video it shows her man stalking her by following her every footstep and showing up at the club, a good example of a logo. At the same time she tells him “You ought to be ashamed of yourself, what do you think you’re doing?” “Loving me, loving me so wrong.” She pulls her man into her as if she’s going to kiss him. She then pushes him away. It seems as though she’s saying, I love you but let me love you rather than make me.” This is a good example of one of the many pathos in the video.
Another good example of the Nicole analyzing and supporting text of her essay is the last two paragraphs at the end of the essay:
“The final verse of the song is the bottom line of what she wants her boyfriend to know. “…All I do is try to show you that you’re my one and only guy, no matter who may come along…”.
What I gathered from reading listening to this song is a sense of feminine strength in a relationship. Perhaps Jennifer felt objectified by her boyfriend, rather than human. I think the fact that she is an artist very much in the real life “spotlight”, is an irony. The song leaves you wondering what would become of their relationship had it been true?”
The one thing that stuck out for me in the essay is the stance “Are you a guard in a prison maximum security?” The verse is very vivid to me in what the writer is trying to convey. When I hear the words “maximum security” I think of a prison and that does relate to Jennifer Hudson relationship with her man. Good Job Nicole.!
In the first two paragraphs Nicole talked about Jennifer Hudson’s life before and after she won a Golden Globe and an Oscar for her role in the movie “Dream Girls”. The thesis is there but it should have been outlined in the first of second paragraph of Nicole’s essay. This would have made it clear enough to the readers. In my opinion Nicole could have addressed what message the audience received from the song, for example “Jennifer Hudson proves to the listeners how some men are not secured in their relationship with their woman. Nicole still got the message across to her audience.
The Thesis could have read. “Jennifer Hudson proved to her audience how controlling her relationship with her man is and how she feels like a “Prisoner of Love” in her relationship or words to that effect.
The Thesis of the writer is “Are you a guard in a prison maximum security?” (Prisoner of Love). The writer does explain the above statement of how “Jennifer asks this question to get to the basis of what her song is about. She does not want to be “locked away out of fear that [She’ll] find someone else” quote. Nicole’s thesis deals with the Rhetoric through out the paper just like the video states.
The argument in the video speaks for it self it has great imagery and tone. It shows in the artist face the frustrated she is going through in this relationship and it is clear that she is a prisoner of love in her relationship
In the video the spotlight on stage where Jennifer was performing for her man as he set in the chair, the spotlight was shining on him and it interfered with his vision. The directors showed the viewers how her man felt when he was in the spotlight light. When you watch that part of the video her man move his hands up over his face to protect his eyes because there was too much light shining on him, this is a good example of a logo and imagery and the point the director was trying to get across to the audience.
Nicole does provided specific supporting examples and so does the video. In the beginning of the video Jennifer is on the phone with her girlfriend, she clicks over to talk to her men, he is talking to her in a very rough tone of voice and sound like a stalker.
Nicole does provide specific support in her text about the thesis. This is a very good example, “Do we stay home all the time cause you want me to yourself?”
Nicole also use the chorus of the song as her supporting text: “Ms. Hudson makes a stand. Loud and proud she sings to her beau. “I don’t like, living under your spotlight, just because you think I might, find somebody worthy.”
There are a couple of examples Nicole could have included: As Jennifer walk thought the alley while singing that could have been a sign of her walking away from the relationship.
Nicole could have gone into more details about the scene when Jennifer and her man were in the club and she took him into the other room. That scène could have been a sign of embarrassment on Jennifer’s part because she didn’t want anyone to know her man is so jealous that he stalks her.
Nicole could have been more descriptive when she talked about how the “majority of the video is then focused on Jennifer singing her song”. She could have been more descriptive of showing how the video helps convey the emotion and strength felt in the song by her man.
Nicole’s supporting text of her analyzing the song “Spotlight” is very good. Halfway though the video it shows her man stalking her by following her every footstep and showing up at the club, a good example of a logo. At the same time she tells him “You ought to be ashamed of yourself, what do you think you’re doing?” “Loving me, loving me so wrong.” She pulls her man into her as if she’s going to kiss him. She then pushes him away. It seems as though she’s saying, I love you but let me love you rather than make me.” This is a good example of one of the many pathos in the video.
Another good example of the Nicole analyzing and supporting text of her essay is the last two paragraphs at the end of the essay:
“The final verse of the song is the bottom line of what she wants her boyfriend to know. “…All I do is try to show you that you’re my one and only guy, no matter who may come along…”.
What I gathered from reading listening to this song is a sense of feminine strength in a relationship. Perhaps Jennifer felt objectified by her boyfriend, rather than human. I think the fact that she is an artist very much in the real life “spotlight”, is an irony. The song leaves you wondering what would become of their relationship had it been true?”
The one thing that stuck out for me in the essay is the stance “Are you a guard in a prison maximum security?” The verse is very vivid to me in what the writer is trying to convey. When I hear the words “maximum security” I think of a prison and that does relate to Jennifer Hudson relationship with her man. Good Job Nicole.!
Peer Review for "Writing on the Walls"
In reading Brittany King's essay for writing on the walls, she clearly states her thesis, "Writing on the Walls song describes a relationship between two young people that is interrupted by another older person that is abusing one and no one does anything until it is too late, however the presence of them is bringing hope." The thesis statement itself doesn't exactly deal with rhetoric, but the rest of her essay does describe the rhetoric throughout it. Brittany's thesis statement just basically explains what the song is about in a nutshell, not what she is trying to persuade throughout the rest of her essay. The subject, however, relates to her thesis statement. She did an magnificent job in identifying the argument that defiers the text from the video. The argument of her essay is that by just reading the lyrics, you don't exactly know who the two people are, but by watching the video you can come to find that it is actually a little boy and girl. "The reader or listener doesn't know who the two people are let alone if they are a boy and a girl, two girls, etc., but by watching the video it portrays the two people as a young boy and a young girl which helps make sense of the song a little more."
On another not Brittany provides specific examples that supports Underoath's song and video of "Writing on the Walls." The examples are as follows:
1. "How could you trust it (these fate trashed walls), to fit the shape of what they tell you, come on, move on, move on, but mostly what they show you."
2. "Your almost gone and I'm ok (I still say you're sorry), to give you chance to be afraid."
3. Genders of the people in the video.
Some other examples that she could have used are:
1. "I'm taking back all the things I said, thinking back all the things I said."
2. "Keep me filled in, I swear I'll come."
The essay was well written, but like anyone's else's there is a few places that needed work. For instance, she could have put together the paragraphs together in a better way that would make the essay more effective. Also, I believe she could have mentioned pathos, logos, ethos, imagery, and etc. in the beginning of her essay.
After each example, Brittany gives an analysis. After each paragraph or her selection of lyrics, she analyzes if from either the lyrics or video for the song. This provides you with a better understanding of what's going on. The examples lead back to the thesis statement which gives you a more in depth interpretation of what the song is talking about. Also, this adds to the overview or thesis of the whole song.
1. "I remember your presence" could use a little more analysis, because he is saying that he will always remember her presence no matter what happens in the future.
2. Use more quotes from the lyrics when talking about the video, to help provide further analysis.
The sentence that stuck with me throughout the essay would be, "I know there must be some way out of here and all of them will be waiting there" means that you are my way out of here so please guide me there, I need you, and I'm sorry." This particular sentence caught my eye because it is in all seriousness true! No matter how hard life gets at times, there is always a way out. Nothing is ever bad enough that anybody would need to take it to a serious level.
By: Alissa Morgan
On another not Brittany provides specific examples that supports Underoath's song and video of "Writing on the Walls." The examples are as follows:
1. "How could you trust it (these fate trashed walls), to fit the shape of what they tell you, come on, move on, move on, but mostly what they show you."
2. "Your almost gone and I'm ok (I still say you're sorry), to give you chance to be afraid."
3. Genders of the people in the video.
Some other examples that she could have used are:
1. "I'm taking back all the things I said, thinking back all the things I said."
2. "Keep me filled in, I swear I'll come."
The essay was well written, but like anyone's else's there is a few places that needed work. For instance, she could have put together the paragraphs together in a better way that would make the essay more effective. Also, I believe she could have mentioned pathos, logos, ethos, imagery, and etc. in the beginning of her essay.
After each example, Brittany gives an analysis. After each paragraph or her selection of lyrics, she analyzes if from either the lyrics or video for the song. This provides you with a better understanding of what's going on. The examples lead back to the thesis statement which gives you a more in depth interpretation of what the song is talking about. Also, this adds to the overview or thesis of the whole song.
1. "I remember your presence" could use a little more analysis, because he is saying that he will always remember her presence no matter what happens in the future.
2. Use more quotes from the lyrics when talking about the video, to help provide further analysis.
The sentence that stuck with me throughout the essay would be, "I know there must be some way out of here and all of them will be waiting there" means that you are my way out of here so please guide me there, I need you, and I'm sorry." This particular sentence caught my eye because it is in all seriousness true! No matter how hard life gets at times, there is always a way out. Nothing is ever bad enough that anybody would need to take it to a serious level.
By: Alissa Morgan
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Peer Review for Talk
Essay #2 (Review)
My essay on the song Talk by Coldplay is rhetorical. I did not put a thesis, pretty much because I forgot. I think I made it clear to what the argument of the lyrics are with; “in the future where will I be?” It really hits me because at this point in my life I am completely unsure of where I am headed and what I am going to be doing.
I think I have I have given good examples to support how I relate to the video.
- “I’m so scared about the future and I wanna talk to you”
- You can climb a ladder up to the sun Or write a song nobody has sung”
I could have given more, separate examples. Towards the end of my essay I seem to overlap what I had written earlier in the essay.
I feel as if I provided enough analysis to support why I chose the certain lyrics that I did. It’s a pretty easy song to relate to.
-You can climb a ladder up to the sun or write a song nobody has sung”, nothing is ever too small and dreams really do come true.
-“I’m so scared about the future and I wanna talk to you” you can take and use for a friend, the man in the moon or God
Again, I could have slipped into more detail than just a general overview of different lyrics but the same point. Whether you try something again and again, or do something completely off the charts; whatever makes you happy is what you should do. I also like this statement because you should live for yourself and not try to make everybody else around you happy because you will never be happy. Do it for you and what you want.
My essay on the song Talk by Coldplay is rhetorical. I did not put a thesis, pretty much because I forgot. I think I made it clear to what the argument of the lyrics are with; “in the future where will I be?” It really hits me because at this point in my life I am completely unsure of where I am headed and what I am going to be doing.
I think I have I have given good examples to support how I relate to the video.
- “I’m so scared about the future and I wanna talk to you”
- You can climb a ladder up to the sun Or write a song nobody has sung”
I could have given more, separate examples. Towards the end of my essay I seem to overlap what I had written earlier in the essay.
I feel as if I provided enough analysis to support why I chose the certain lyrics that I did. It’s a pretty easy song to relate to.
-You can climb a ladder up to the sun or write a song nobody has sung”, nothing is ever too small and dreams really do come true.
-“I’m so scared about the future and I wanna talk to you” you can take and use for a friend, the man in the moon or God
Again, I could have slipped into more detail than just a general overview of different lyrics but the same point. Whether you try something again and again, or do something completely off the charts; whatever makes you happy is what you should do. I also like this statement because you should live for yourself and not try to make everybody else around you happy because you will never be happy. Do it for you and what you want.
Peer Review for Kelly- "We didn't start the Fire"
Sarah Stifler
2-12-9
English102
Peer Review for Kelly, “We didn't start the Fire”
The writer did clearly state her thesis by saying, “Joel's main argument is that each generation added to the "fire" or troubled times in general.” Her draft deals with both rhetoric and subject matter. She included both, examples from the text and video, as well as illustrated ways that they used rhetoric as a way of persuading. The writer did identify the argument in form of the text and the video. She wrote that the song was written by Billy Joel, and argues that the struggles that went on in that time period were not all because of his generation, the baby boomer's. He explained this mainly by naming many other people and issues that also contributed to the struggles of that time.
The writer did provide specific examples from both the text and the video. Lyric-wise she wrote about how the use of the word “fire” could be used to symbolize the evil in the world. Another example she included was about Harry Truman, the president who then issued atomic bombs in WWII. The writer also reflected on the mood changes that occurred in different stanza's, using “Woodstock Festival and 'Space Race', the first manned lunar landing, successfully lands on the moon”. As for the video, the writer summarized it, then related it to the lyrics, using an example of pathos relating to the importance of each society's negative contributions to the matter. The writer could maybe have been more descriptive on how the song could possibly be good and helpful for people to hear and understand today. She could also go into more detail about imagery and symbolism near the end of that first paragraph. It could help to write more about how the lyrics or video was used with imagery, or maybe how it would affect other viewers of this song.
The analysis, of the support or examples picked, was the one thing that I'm not sure was included. This is all write though, because it's only the first rough draft, plus I'm not sure if I did this either:) You should explain how the examples you chose will in turn support your thesis.
One thing that stuck out to me in this essay would probably be when she wrote, “Billy Joel's lyrics appear to be 'a stream of consciousness in style'”. I mainly like this because of the way it sounds. It is also very true. The lyrics for the song really are a 'stream of consciousness'. They just go on and on with different names and issues that came up over the generations. I like how she wrote, “in style' though. This just makes the song seem neater, because normally the long list like it is would seem very unorganized; however, since it is in a some-what rhyming order, about relating issues, and in a song- it makes this okay.
Overall, I liked the essay, it really helped me understand the song more, because at first by reading the lyrics I had no idea what it was about... Even though I still don't quite know many of the people or issues brought up in the lyrics. Another thing I thought you could add is who the general audience would be to listen to this song or argument and why you picked them.
2-12-9
English102
Peer Review for Kelly, “We didn't start the Fire”
The writer did clearly state her thesis by saying, “Joel's main argument is that each generation added to the "fire" or troubled times in general.” Her draft deals with both rhetoric and subject matter. She included both, examples from the text and video, as well as illustrated ways that they used rhetoric as a way of persuading. The writer did identify the argument in form of the text and the video. She wrote that the song was written by Billy Joel, and argues that the struggles that went on in that time period were not all because of his generation, the baby boomer's. He explained this mainly by naming many other people and issues that also contributed to the struggles of that time.
The writer did provide specific examples from both the text and the video. Lyric-wise she wrote about how the use of the word “fire” could be used to symbolize the evil in the world. Another example she included was about Harry Truman, the president who then issued atomic bombs in WWII. The writer also reflected on the mood changes that occurred in different stanza's, using “Woodstock Festival and 'Space Race', the first manned lunar landing, successfully lands on the moon”. As for the video, the writer summarized it, then related it to the lyrics, using an example of pathos relating to the importance of each society's negative contributions to the matter. The writer could maybe have been more descriptive on how the song could possibly be good and helpful for people to hear and understand today. She could also go into more detail about imagery and symbolism near the end of that first paragraph. It could help to write more about how the lyrics or video was used with imagery, or maybe how it would affect other viewers of this song.
The analysis, of the support or examples picked, was the one thing that I'm not sure was included. This is all write though, because it's only the first rough draft, plus I'm not sure if I did this either:) You should explain how the examples you chose will in turn support your thesis.
One thing that stuck out to me in this essay would probably be when she wrote, “Billy Joel's lyrics appear to be 'a stream of consciousness in style'”. I mainly like this because of the way it sounds. It is also very true. The lyrics for the song really are a 'stream of consciousness'. They just go on and on with different names and issues that came up over the generations. I like how she wrote, “in style' though. This just makes the song seem neater, because normally the long list like it is would seem very unorganized; however, since it is in a some-what rhyming order, about relating issues, and in a song- it makes this okay.
Overall, I liked the essay, it really helped me understand the song more, because at first by reading the lyrics I had no idea what it was about... Even though I still don't quite know many of the people or issues brought up in the lyrics. Another thing I thought you could add is who the general audience would be to listen to this song or argument and why you picked them.
Peer Review of Mark Lundh Essay
Austin Chandler 2/11/09
English 102 Peer Review
Peer Review of Mark Lundh Essay
1. The thesis in Mark’s essay is “The Killers lyrics looks at this topic and talks about the struggle between life and death.” This thesis is very clear. His thesis deals more with the subject matter of the song. Mark does identify the argument of the text and video. The argument is about how we deal with life and death.
2. The writer does use specific examples from the video and text. However, the writer forgot to put a link to the music video for the song.
Text Examples:
A. “I did my best to notice, when the call came down the line, Up to the platform of surrender, I was brought but I was kind, And sometimes I get nervous, When I see an open door, Close your eyes, Clear your heart, Cut the cord.”, which talks about the call from heaven. Whether or not we have a choice to go or keep on fighting.
B. “Are we human? Or are we dance?”
C. “Wave goodbye, Wish me well, you’ve got to let me go.”
Video examples:
A. “The video starts off by having the group in a canyon of some sort singing this song with the sun blazing. You start by noticing the lack of vegetation, water, and any abundance of animals pretty much immediately. One face’s in life with regards to the physical, emotional, and spiritual being.”
B. “Then the video shows us an array of animals such as a white tiger, a cougar, and a condor. The most fascinating of these animals is the condor. The video shows us a collection of mirror with various images of each group member appearing and then disappearing which this author feels could represent the various views of life or how you perceive yourself and your surroundings.”
C. “Then the video shows each person in the group standing with a picture of themselves covering their face, then pictures being switched with each other. The end of the video shows the group facing away from the sun (towards you) then the day turns into night, sun into the moon.”
D. “Then the group is facing towards the moon, when all of a sudden the night and the moon turn to a painting. Absolute stillness!”
He could have used other examples to be more descriptive with his analysis.
Examples to use:
A. “Will your system be alrightWhen you dream of home tonight?There is no message we’re receivingLet me know is your heart still beating”
B. “My sign is vitalMy hands are coldAnd I’m on my kneesLooking for the answer”
3. The writer does provide good analysis of his support and examples. These examples help support his thesis. He could provide further analysis on certain areas.
Examples of more analysis:
A. “The song depicts the letting go of various virtues that one possesses during one’s life such as grace, virtue, good, kindness, and love.”-What else could these lyrics mean?
B. “The white tiger and cougar represents mans basic instinct for survival and the frailty of the human body.”-How do these animals represent survival and frailty?
If the writer elaborates more on what his analysis mean his paper will be stronger for it.
4. The thing that sticks with me from the essay is how his uses his beliefs in his essay. His beliefs add a personal dimension to his essay.
English 102 Peer Review
Peer Review of Mark Lundh Essay
1. The thesis in Mark’s essay is “The Killers lyrics looks at this topic and talks about the struggle between life and death.” This thesis is very clear. His thesis deals more with the subject matter of the song. Mark does identify the argument of the text and video. The argument is about how we deal with life and death.
2. The writer does use specific examples from the video and text. However, the writer forgot to put a link to the music video for the song.
Text Examples:
A. “I did my best to notice, when the call came down the line, Up to the platform of surrender, I was brought but I was kind, And sometimes I get nervous, When I see an open door, Close your eyes, Clear your heart, Cut the cord.”, which talks about the call from heaven. Whether or not we have a choice to go or keep on fighting.
B. “Are we human? Or are we dance?”
C. “Wave goodbye, Wish me well, you’ve got to let me go.”
Video examples:
A. “The video starts off by having the group in a canyon of some sort singing this song with the sun blazing. You start by noticing the lack of vegetation, water, and any abundance of animals pretty much immediately. One face’s in life with regards to the physical, emotional, and spiritual being.”
B. “Then the video shows us an array of animals such as a white tiger, a cougar, and a condor. The most fascinating of these animals is the condor. The video shows us a collection of mirror with various images of each group member appearing and then disappearing which this author feels could represent the various views of life or how you perceive yourself and your surroundings.”
C. “Then the video shows each person in the group standing with a picture of themselves covering their face, then pictures being switched with each other. The end of the video shows the group facing away from the sun (towards you) then the day turns into night, sun into the moon.”
D. “Then the group is facing towards the moon, when all of a sudden the night and the moon turn to a painting. Absolute stillness!”
He could have used other examples to be more descriptive with his analysis.
Examples to use:
A. “Will your system be alrightWhen you dream of home tonight?There is no message we’re receivingLet me know is your heart still beating”
B. “My sign is vitalMy hands are coldAnd I’m on my kneesLooking for the answer”
3. The writer does provide good analysis of his support and examples. These examples help support his thesis. He could provide further analysis on certain areas.
Examples of more analysis:
A. “The song depicts the letting go of various virtues that one possesses during one’s life such as grace, virtue, good, kindness, and love.”-What else could these lyrics mean?
B. “The white tiger and cougar represents mans basic instinct for survival and the frailty of the human body.”-How do these animals represent survival and frailty?
If the writer elaborates more on what his analysis mean his paper will be stronger for it.
4. The thing that sticks with me from the essay is how his uses his beliefs in his essay. His beliefs add a personal dimension to his essay.
Peer edit of Eve Supel's Essay for the song "Fast Car"
The paper I’m revising is Eve Supel’s “Mirrors of Our Parents Relationships”. Eve chose to write about Tracey Chapman’s song “Fast Car”. Eve starts out the essay stating a seeming clear thesis which is: “Fast Car proves that sometimes the influence of parent’s relationship has a greater impact on the type of relationship their children will encounter.”
Eve then gives good supporting examples directly quoting the song “ ..My old mans got a problem, he lives with the bottle that’s the way it is”, then Eve ties it with a line from the end of the song where Tracy is telling her boyfriend “ you stay out drinking late at the bar, see more of your friends than you do of your kids”. After further reading through the song lyrics and Eves Essay, I think maybe a different or clearer argument or point could be drawn from the song. Just by furthering her analysis to state that Tracy possible once saw her boyfriend as her knight in shining armor that was going to rescue her from her sad life , but in the end , reality strikes and the boyfriend is just like her father and things aren’t as beautiful as they seemed to be. Personally it takes me back to when I was a teenager and the guy with the fast hot car was all that in my eyes, until 10 yrs go by and you realize that a car doesn’t mean anything, the guy is a loser.
On good example of Rhetoric that Eve used though was when she stated that in the song Tracy going to leave her boyfriend , like her mother left her father because she wanted better. The only thing is I think there needs to better supporting evidence to assume that Tracy’s mom actually took care of her alcoholic father . She could compare how Tracy actually took care of her father , from the line “ I said somebody’s gotta take care of him so I quit school and that’s what I did”
Eve did a very good job at pointing out how the video could of done a better job at giving the song imagery and meaning. She used good ideas and examples of ways that the directoe could have used ethos by showing Tracy’s struggles to work and stay home with the kids while her boyfriend was out drinking.
One thing that sticks out to me is at the end of Eve’s essay she says “even though her boyfriend makes her feel good when they are riding in his car together she [does] realize that it [won’t ] pay the bills”
I think Eve did a good job making her point but could draw further conclusions from the songs actual lyrics rather than only associating Tracy’s relationship with that of her parents. But very good.
Eve then gives good supporting examples directly quoting the song “ ..My old mans got a problem, he lives with the bottle that’s the way it is”, then Eve ties it with a line from the end of the song where Tracy is telling her boyfriend “ you stay out drinking late at the bar, see more of your friends than you do of your kids”. After further reading through the song lyrics and Eves Essay, I think maybe a different or clearer argument or point could be drawn from the song. Just by furthering her analysis to state that Tracy possible once saw her boyfriend as her knight in shining armor that was going to rescue her from her sad life , but in the end , reality strikes and the boyfriend is just like her father and things aren’t as beautiful as they seemed to be. Personally it takes me back to when I was a teenager and the guy with the fast hot car was all that in my eyes, until 10 yrs go by and you realize that a car doesn’t mean anything, the guy is a loser.
On good example of Rhetoric that Eve used though was when she stated that in the song Tracy going to leave her boyfriend , like her mother left her father because she wanted better. The only thing is I think there needs to better supporting evidence to assume that Tracy’s mom actually took care of her alcoholic father . She could compare how Tracy actually took care of her father , from the line “ I said somebody’s gotta take care of him so I quit school and that’s what I did”
Eve did a very good job at pointing out how the video could of done a better job at giving the song imagery and meaning. She used good ideas and examples of ways that the directoe could have used ethos by showing Tracy’s struggles to work and stay home with the kids while her boyfriend was out drinking.
One thing that sticks out to me is at the end of Eve’s essay she says “even though her boyfriend makes her feel good when they are riding in his car together she [does] realize that it [won’t ] pay the bills”
I think Eve did a good job making her point but could draw further conclusions from the songs actual lyrics rather than only associating Tracy’s relationship with that of her parents. But very good.
Rhetoric Essay "Ghost"
Web sites
Go to You Tube and type in
Michael Jackson-Ghosts (for the shortened music video)
Or Michael Jackson Ghosts Full Version [1/4] then click on [2/4], [3/4], [4/4] for the rest.
This is the full version and explains more of it. (really long but very good)
Lyrics
There’s a ghost down in the hallThere’s a ghoul upon the bedThere’s something in the wallsThere’s blood up on the stairsAnd its floating through the roomAnd there’s nothing I can seeAnd I know that that’s the truthBecause now its onto meI don’t understand itHeyI don’t understand it!AaowThere’s a tappin in the floorThere’s a creak behind the doorThere’s a rocking in the chairBut there’s no-one sitting thereThere’s a ghostly smell aroundBut nobody to be foundAnd a coughin and a yawninWhere a restless soul is goingDon’t understand itHey!Don’t understand itHey.And who gave you the right to shake my family? And who gave you the right to shake my baby, she needs meAnd who gave you the right to shake my family tree? You put a knife in my backShot an arrow in me!Tell me are you the ghost of jealousyThe ghost of jealousyThere’s a tappin in the floorThere’s a creak behind the doorThere’s a rocking in the chairBut nobody’s sitting thereThere’s a ghostly smell aroundBut nobody to be foundAnd a coughin and a yawninWhere a restless soul is goingDon’t understand it!Yeah yeah!Don’t understand it!Your just a dog gone!Aaow!And who gave you the right to scare my family? And who gave you the right to scare my baby, she needs meAnd who gave you the right to shake my family tree? And who gave you the right to take intrusion, to see me? And who gave you the right to shake my family? And who gave you the right to hurt my baby, she needs meAnd who gave you the right to shake my family tree? You put a knife in my back,Shot an arrow in me!Tell me are you the ghost of jealousyA suckin ghost of jealousyAaow!And who gave you the right to shake my family? And who gave you the right to shake my baby, she needs meAnd who gave you the right to shake my family tree? And who gave you the right to take, intrusion to see me? And who gave you the right to hurt my family? And who gave you the right hurt my baby, she needs meAnd who gave you the right to shake my family tree? You put a knife in my backShot an arrow in me!Tell me are you the ghost of jealousyThe ghost of jealousyAaow
Dog gone
But there’s no doubt about it, piece of mindTell me are you the ghost of jealousy
Essay draft #1
When things start to change in your life because of something you can’t control. The effects of what is happening are as plain as the nose on your face, but you don’t know what is causing them. In the song he talks about hearing and seeing things going on but nothing there to make it all happen. He constantly asks. “Who gave you the right to shake my family? Who gave you the right to shake my baby, she needs me.” But he knows that the thing he sees and hears is really there because it is coming onto him. He then asks “Are you the ghost of jealousy.” Jealousy is like a drug, once it settles in it is hard to overcome and it grows stronger causing emotional pain for yourself and most of the time others as well. The way he explains what it is going on puts you in his place and you can feel the kind of anger and frustration he feels. His words are strait and to the point affecting you deeply. The song makes me think of my past and how jealousy has harmed relationships and caused pain.
I believe that the way he is describing “the ghost of jealousy” as if others were making fun of him and label Michael as an outcast. The more the people picked and accused him of many things caused his immediate family to separate and be labeled as an outcast for being related. His problems then were taken further and it effected more than just his immediate family known as his “family tree”. It was never just one person that caused problems for Michael it was just anyone and everyone. I think that Michael is saying that everyone that outcast him did it because they were jealous of what he had.
The music video is actually segments of a much larger music video/ short film. In order to understand more of this particular song in the video you have to watch the beginning where it kind of explains what is going on. The song I chose is more of a part in the film where Michael releases a lot of anger. In the beginning a small mob of angry parent invite themselves into Michaels home when their kids are telling them to just leave him alone. They then threaten him to leave town because he is not like everyone else. Michael does not let them leave and lets them know he is not scared and plays tricks to frighten them back. He is telling the people how dare you tell me I am weird and don’t belong here and the things I am doing are not right. I have never hurt anyone or done anything wrong. You don’t know me but your kids do and they enjoy being around me. Don’t try and scare me by the threats or the accusations that you make. I will then give you a reason to be scared.
Michael introduces his family stating he is not alone in the house and out come ghost from the walls the stairs the chairs the floor just like in his song. I think the ghost are a symbol of how all the problems killed his family. Michael goes through many transformations from human to a skeleton a monster and he enters a mans body to freak him out. I think that he made the monster jump into the mans body making him do things he cant control then forming his face to make him look like a monster was to give him a taste of what its like do not be able to control what someone else is doing to you and how you feel to be the monster everyone is afraid of. It was meant to give them a taste of their own medicine.
I think that the ghost of jealousy is not really a ghost, it is the group of individuals that are causing problems for no reason so it must be because they are jealous. Michael Jackson didn’t understand why people were saying the things they did. He didn’t understand why what they were saying were effecting him and his family, tearing them apart. This video was a message to help people understand his frustrations and the destructions it has all caused. His imagination in this video is astonishing and the way he expresses it catches your attention making it hard to walk away.
Go to You Tube and type in
Michael Jackson-Ghosts (for the shortened music video)
Or Michael Jackson Ghosts Full Version [1/4] then click on [2/4], [3/4], [4/4] for the rest.
This is the full version and explains more of it. (really long but very good)
Lyrics
There’s a ghost down in the hallThere’s a ghoul upon the bedThere’s something in the wallsThere’s blood up on the stairsAnd its floating through the roomAnd there’s nothing I can seeAnd I know that that’s the truthBecause now its onto meI don’t understand itHeyI don’t understand it!AaowThere’s a tappin in the floorThere’s a creak behind the doorThere’s a rocking in the chairBut there’s no-one sitting thereThere’s a ghostly smell aroundBut nobody to be foundAnd a coughin and a yawninWhere a restless soul is goingDon’t understand itHey!Don’t understand itHey.And who gave you the right to shake my family? And who gave you the right to shake my baby, she needs meAnd who gave you the right to shake my family tree? You put a knife in my backShot an arrow in me!Tell me are you the ghost of jealousyThe ghost of jealousyThere’s a tappin in the floorThere’s a creak behind the doorThere’s a rocking in the chairBut nobody’s sitting thereThere’s a ghostly smell aroundBut nobody to be foundAnd a coughin and a yawninWhere a restless soul is goingDon’t understand it!Yeah yeah!Don’t understand it!Your just a dog gone!Aaow!And who gave you the right to scare my family? And who gave you the right to scare my baby, she needs meAnd who gave you the right to shake my family tree? And who gave you the right to take intrusion, to see me? And who gave you the right to shake my family? And who gave you the right to hurt my baby, she needs meAnd who gave you the right to shake my family tree? You put a knife in my back,Shot an arrow in me!Tell me are you the ghost of jealousyA suckin ghost of jealousyAaow!And who gave you the right to shake my family? And who gave you the right to shake my baby, she needs meAnd who gave you the right to shake my family tree? And who gave you the right to take, intrusion to see me? And who gave you the right to hurt my family? And who gave you the right hurt my baby, she needs meAnd who gave you the right to shake my family tree? You put a knife in my backShot an arrow in me!Tell me are you the ghost of jealousyThe ghost of jealousyAaow
Dog gone
But there’s no doubt about it, piece of mindTell me are you the ghost of jealousy
Essay draft #1
When things start to change in your life because of something you can’t control. The effects of what is happening are as plain as the nose on your face, but you don’t know what is causing them. In the song he talks about hearing and seeing things going on but nothing there to make it all happen. He constantly asks. “Who gave you the right to shake my family? Who gave you the right to shake my baby, she needs me.” But he knows that the thing he sees and hears is really there because it is coming onto him. He then asks “Are you the ghost of jealousy.” Jealousy is like a drug, once it settles in it is hard to overcome and it grows stronger causing emotional pain for yourself and most of the time others as well. The way he explains what it is going on puts you in his place and you can feel the kind of anger and frustration he feels. His words are strait and to the point affecting you deeply. The song makes me think of my past and how jealousy has harmed relationships and caused pain.
I believe that the way he is describing “the ghost of jealousy” as if others were making fun of him and label Michael as an outcast. The more the people picked and accused him of many things caused his immediate family to separate and be labeled as an outcast for being related. His problems then were taken further and it effected more than just his immediate family known as his “family tree”. It was never just one person that caused problems for Michael it was just anyone and everyone. I think that Michael is saying that everyone that outcast him did it because they were jealous of what he had.
The music video is actually segments of a much larger music video/ short film. In order to understand more of this particular song in the video you have to watch the beginning where it kind of explains what is going on. The song I chose is more of a part in the film where Michael releases a lot of anger. In the beginning a small mob of angry parent invite themselves into Michaels home when their kids are telling them to just leave him alone. They then threaten him to leave town because he is not like everyone else. Michael does not let them leave and lets them know he is not scared and plays tricks to frighten them back. He is telling the people how dare you tell me I am weird and don’t belong here and the things I am doing are not right. I have never hurt anyone or done anything wrong. You don’t know me but your kids do and they enjoy being around me. Don’t try and scare me by the threats or the accusations that you make. I will then give you a reason to be scared.
Michael introduces his family stating he is not alone in the house and out come ghost from the walls the stairs the chairs the floor just like in his song. I think the ghost are a symbol of how all the problems killed his family. Michael goes through many transformations from human to a skeleton a monster and he enters a mans body to freak him out. I think that he made the monster jump into the mans body making him do things he cant control then forming his face to make him look like a monster was to give him a taste of what its like do not be able to control what someone else is doing to you and how you feel to be the monster everyone is afraid of. It was meant to give them a taste of their own medicine.
I think that the ghost of jealousy is not really a ghost, it is the group of individuals that are causing problems for no reason so it must be because they are jealous. Michael Jackson didn’t understand why people were saying the things they did. He didn’t understand why what they were saying were effecting him and his family, tearing them apart. This video was a message to help people understand his frustrations and the destructions it has all caused. His imagination in this video is astonishing and the way he expresses it catches your attention making it hard to walk away.
Peer Review for Stephanie "Talk" by Coldplay
There is never really a clear thesis stated. Throughout the paper though it is shown that the argument being made is that the song is trying to portray that everyone has struggles and that people should reach for the stars no matter what. There is a sentence in the first paragraph saying, “with my everyday challenges the lyrics make me feel like I’m not the only person struggling with those issues.” This sentence kind of gives a thesis, but it would have a stronger effect if it was more direct. However, it does deal with rhetoric.
The examples that were given from the lyrics and video were pretty strong. They did support the thesis being made. Examples were:
-The video is set in the future which matches the line “In the future where will I be.”
-“Are you lost or incomplete,” describes a person struggling.
-“You can climb a ladder up to the sun, or write a song nobody has sung,” is saying that you should reach for the stars.
A few more examples from the lyrics and video would make the paper stronger. By taking direct quotes and analyzing them you can help to argue your thesis. Also, maybe go a little deeper when explaining the lyrics and video. Try to explain exactly what the singer is trying to portray in detail.
I like how in the paper you explain how the song makes you feel. I like the line “Whether you try something again and again, or do something completely off the charts; whatever makes you happy is what you should do.”
Loren Householder
Peer Review of Deedra Guarino
In Deedra Guarino’s essay “If I Were a Boy,” Guarino clarifies the thesis of her paper, “Her lyrics tell us of role reversal. She explores what it would be like if she did all the things her man did to her everyday.” Her essay explains mostly rhetoric. By incorporating evidence into her essay such as the actual lyrics, she describes how Beyonce is persuading her audience to not get caught up in a man who will not treat you how you believe you should be treated. She also incorporates other examples of rhetoric in her essay that Beyonce employs. Guarino also identifies the argument of the song and video. For the song she identifies that men and women live with the double standard of their relationship. That it is alright for men to cheat on women but shameful if the girl were to be the one who cheated. She also uses this argument in her paper to prove that the video shows the same concept.
Furthermore, she goes on to provide examples that support Beyonce’s song and video. The following are her examples:
- “You don’t listen to her, you don’t care how it hurts until you lose the one that you wanted ‘cause you have taken her for granted and everything you had got destroyed, but you’re just a boy.”
- “I’d roll our of bed in the morning and throw on whatever I wanted and go drink beers with the guys and chase after girls, I’d kick it with who I wanted and I’d never get confronted for it cause they’d stick up for me.”
- “Honesty, intimacy, commitment.” Used from the movie.
Some other examples that could be used would be:
1. I'd listen to her, 'Cause I know how it hurts, When you lose the one you wanted, 'Cause he's taking you for granted, And everything you had got destroyed.”
2. If I were a boy, I think I could understand, How it feels to love a girl, I swear I'd be a better man.”
Though the essay was well written, there could have been transition from the beginning paragraph to the proceeding paragraphs. The use of ethos, pathos, and logos should have been stated somewhere in the beginning paragraph.
Guarino provides much analysis after each example. She analyzes the quote from the movie and text either before or after the example thus making it effective. Her examples also assist her thesis statement by proving the universal saying, “Boys will be boys.” Though most of her analyzing is excellent, she could use more of the following:
- The example of “You don’t listen to her, you don’t know how it hurts” could use more analysis maybe by establishing that guys need to listen up and realize what they are doing to their relationships and to their girlfriends.
- Also, put another quote where Guarino talks about the video, this would help further her analysis of the film.
The sentence that spoke to me the most would be, “It is a commentary on the double standards that often exist between men and women.” This caught my eye because it is very true; many times there is a double standard between sexes, and I believe that this sentence described that perfectly.
Peer Review for Welcome to Jamrock
The thesis is fairly clear in this draft. "The whole song is written with a Pathos view and is very emotional" seems to be the thesis statement that surrounds the entire song. The theme of the song is emotion of the listener. The writer does not identify the argument used in the video, so that is something that he needs to go back and do. The draft does deal with rhetoric and subject matter. He uses direct examples of from the song to identify his argument. His argument is Jamaica is a tough place to live. He makes this very clear throughout his draft.
The writer does provide many quotes from the song to support his argument on the issue. He does not provide many examples from the video though. The main theme that the draft revolves around is: the Jamaica that most people think of is not the Jamaica that the natives think of. The native people identify a much more violent and poor country. He states that "tourists only see the nice beaches and don’t notice the people suffering in the ghettos." The writer could add examples of what types of crime take place in Jamaica and things of that nature.
The writer uses good examples to support his argument in his writing. His examples support his thesis. He needs to provide more examples from the music video for more support. He talks about political issues, he could give more specific examples of political leaders. The writer overall has a good first draft.
The one thing that sticks with me from this essay is the way the artist speaks. He uses a very informal way to get his point across. The way he tells of the violent and struggling country stands out to me. The language transition is what makes this song unique to me.
Zac Kaiser
The writer does provide many quotes from the song to support his argument on the issue. He does not provide many examples from the video though. The main theme that the draft revolves around is: the Jamaica that most people think of is not the Jamaica that the natives think of. The native people identify a much more violent and poor country. He states that "tourists only see the nice beaches and don’t notice the people suffering in the ghettos." The writer could add examples of what types of crime take place in Jamaica and things of that nature.
The writer uses good examples to support his argument in his writing. His examples support his thesis. He needs to provide more examples from the music video for more support. He talks about political issues, he could give more specific examples of political leaders. The writer overall has a good first draft.
The one thing that sticks with me from this essay is the way the artist speaks. He uses a very informal way to get his point across. The way he tells of the violent and struggling country stands out to me. The language transition is what makes this song unique to me.
Zac Kaiser
Damian Marely, why don't they kill him?
Damian Marely, "Welcom to Jamrock"
First of all isn’t this English class? These are not words inna, noy, unno, nuttin, nuff. This is what I mean by illiterate ghetto dwellers. With this in mind there is a reason the lyrics are written into the video, because you can’t understand what he’s singing! This song is apparently mean to open my eyes to the terrible poverty, and bad economic system, but that’s not possible when I cannot understand the lyrics. Damian Marely who is the son of Bob Marely is rich, why should I take him seriously when he "sings" about poverty? Damian walks around a horribly poor area with expensive camera equipment, and jewelry complaining about how people are poor. Why don’t they kill him? Why doesn’t he do something to actually help them instead of exploiting their poverty so he can make more money? He does not represent the poor exploited people of Jamaica, but of the major label record company he is signed to. Bob Marely was a racist drug addict that never changed anything, and got killed. So what does his son really expect to change? Jamaica needs tourism, because other than selling drugs what does Jamaica have to offer? I’ve been to Jamaica, and several people tried to sell me drugs, these people don’t want help, they just want to escape from their problems by getting high. If they really wanted to change something they’d stop listening to crappy Damian Marely and do something about their circumstances. Final summation, Damian Marely is a hypocrite.
First of all isn’t this English class? These are not words inna, noy, unno, nuttin, nuff. This is what I mean by illiterate ghetto dwellers. With this in mind there is a reason the lyrics are written into the video, because you can’t understand what he’s singing! This song is apparently mean to open my eyes to the terrible poverty, and bad economic system, but that’s not possible when I cannot understand the lyrics. Damian Marely who is the son of Bob Marely is rich, why should I take him seriously when he "sings" about poverty? Damian walks around a horribly poor area with expensive camera equipment, and jewelry complaining about how people are poor. Why don’t they kill him? Why doesn’t he do something to actually help them instead of exploiting their poverty so he can make more money? He does not represent the poor exploited people of Jamaica, but of the major label record company he is signed to. Bob Marely was a racist drug addict that never changed anything, and got killed. So what does his son really expect to change? Jamaica needs tourism, because other than selling drugs what does Jamaica have to offer? I’ve been to Jamaica, and several people tried to sell me drugs, these people don’t want help, they just want to escape from their problems by getting high. If they really wanted to change something they’d stop listening to crappy Damian Marely and do something about their circumstances. Final summation, Damian Marely is a hypocrite.
rhetoric analysis of Alissa Morgan's
The thesis statement is clear. It is “The name of the song, Concrete Angel, gives it a powerful meaning because no matter how hard the little girls life got, she faced everyday with a smile and incentive. Because of how strong she was her heart and soul will live on in "A place where she's loved." I think that it deals with both rhetoric and subject matter because it portrays both emotion and tells a little bit about what is happening in the song. I believe that the writer only identifies the argument in the thesis statement as that of the text and not the video, however the writer later incorporates the video argument with the writing.
Throughout the writers analysis she uses specific support or examples such as “sometimes she wishes she was never born” and "she flies to a place where she's loved” and a few others. The writer used some good examples but could use maybe like one or two more like “it's hard to see the pain behind the mask” or “bearing the burden of a secret storm”; use the whole line instead of just a few. Another idea is to use a whole paragraph as an example and then explain it or just use it to show the detail in it or the pathos, imagery, ethos, etc.
The writer provides good examples that support her thesis statement. For instance the little girl faces a hard life everyday but keeps going with a smile. An example or support of this is “It's a story about a girl named Angela Carter who is trying to deal with the abuse from her alcoholic mother. She goes to school like any other child with a lunch she's packed in one hand, and her school books in the other. She is wearing the same dress she wore the day before to try and hide the bruises on her body. Some people, including her school teacher, see's the bruises but doesn't ask any questions.” and “The song is about more than just abuse, she is taking care of herself because her mom doesn't feed her of as much even care about her it seems. She tries to stall going home because she is praying someone will come rescue her from this nightmare.” are the examples are her thesis about the little girl and her life.
What sticks with me the most is that abuse is happening when people on the outside don’t know it or do and aren’t helping. In general the song is just sad that seeing a little girl who has to almost take care of herself and go to school and then get beat by her mom and in the end her mom ends up killing her. It’s just so sad and I don’t understand how people can stand around and let that happen. I think it was a good pick of a song and video for this rhetoric assignment. I analyzed Alissa Morgan’s writing. Done by Brittany King
Throughout the writers analysis she uses specific support or examples such as “sometimes she wishes she was never born” and "she flies to a place where she's loved” and a few others. The writer used some good examples but could use maybe like one or two more like “it's hard to see the pain behind the mask” or “bearing the burden of a secret storm”; use the whole line instead of just a few. Another idea is to use a whole paragraph as an example and then explain it or just use it to show the detail in it or the pathos, imagery, ethos, etc.
The writer provides good examples that support her thesis statement. For instance the little girl faces a hard life everyday but keeps going with a smile. An example or support of this is “It's a story about a girl named Angela Carter who is trying to deal with the abuse from her alcoholic mother. She goes to school like any other child with a lunch she's packed in one hand, and her school books in the other. She is wearing the same dress she wore the day before to try and hide the bruises on her body. Some people, including her school teacher, see's the bruises but doesn't ask any questions.” and “The song is about more than just abuse, she is taking care of herself because her mom doesn't feed her of as much even care about her it seems. She tries to stall going home because she is praying someone will come rescue her from this nightmare.” are the examples are her thesis about the little girl and her life.
What sticks with me the most is that abuse is happening when people on the outside don’t know it or do and aren’t helping. In general the song is just sad that seeing a little girl who has to almost take care of herself and go to school and then get beat by her mom and in the end her mom ends up killing her. It’s just so sad and I don’t understand how people can stand around and let that happen. I think it was a good pick of a song and video for this rhetoric assignment. I analyzed Alissa Morgan’s writing. Done by Brittany King
Peer review of Leslie‘s essay of "Ras Trent" The lonely Island
Peer review of Leslie‘s essay of "Ras Trent" The lonely Island
The essay was about a song making fun of the Rastafarian religion. The song was done by the comics of the Saturday night live. The thesis for the paper was : “ However the words and imagery used in the song and video proves that the writers of this song have done their homework on the Rastafarian religion, making their argument valid. The Lonely Island uses a lot of ambiguous words, repetition, and humorous context throughout their lyrics, to get their point across to you.”
This explains a little of what she is going to talk about. I had a little confusion when in the beginning she said that they usually did factual things that made the song less credible but then switched over to them researching the religion so that did the make the song have some truth to it. I believe the argument of the essay is that the song was trying to make the Rastafarian religion humorous but also but also make it factual. But I’m not really quite sure what the argument was straight forward.
There are some specific examples from the text and the video. I think that there could have been a little more examples form the video. I think that she did a pretty good job with examples. The one thing that maybe I would have liked to see more of was deciphering the lyrics; she did it twice and I really liked that she did.
Examples from the text
1) what you are reading is gibberish…
This is where she starts off telling about
Them making fun of the religion, because
You can’t understand the words that are written.
2) She Quotes a specific line from the lyrics and
Then deciphers what they mean
3) she then uses another specific quote to get her
Point about the people called the “bald heads”
4) points of specific words of the text about the word
Jah which means god in the religion
Examples from the video
1) Talks about how the character is dressed and explains why he is dressed like that.
Well before or after every example she stated why she used that example. She made sure we knew why she thought the writers used these lyrics. She addresses the repetition, the humor and some rhetoric. The essay also has some of the quotes in the lyrics deciphered and what that means to the Rastafarian religion. There where some murky areas and she could have maybe used some different examples and use more rhetoric. I think the conclusion needs a little work. It ends very abruptly.
More analysis needed
1)oh fire pon Babylon and fire pon a batty boy rude boy living in the shanty dorms my roommate Nick is an ignorant bald-head.”
…Why did they use this sentence, does it invoke rhetoric?
2)“Are you there Jah? It’s me, Ras Trent.”.. you said that this invokes pathos, how?
3) you could look at ethos for this song, was it ethical to make fun of the Rastafarian religion.
The thing that sticks with me was the paragraph where she deciphers some of the lyrics. When you picked out word from the sentence and explained what they meant to the Rastafarian religion.
Reviewed by mary martin
The essay was about a song making fun of the Rastafarian religion. The song was done by the comics of the Saturday night live. The thesis for the paper was : “ However the words and imagery used in the song and video proves that the writers of this song have done their homework on the Rastafarian religion, making their argument valid. The Lonely Island uses a lot of ambiguous words, repetition, and humorous context throughout their lyrics, to get their point across to you.”
This explains a little of what she is going to talk about. I had a little confusion when in the beginning she said that they usually did factual things that made the song less credible but then switched over to them researching the religion so that did the make the song have some truth to it. I believe the argument of the essay is that the song was trying to make the Rastafarian religion humorous but also but also make it factual. But I’m not really quite sure what the argument was straight forward.
There are some specific examples from the text and the video. I think that there could have been a little more examples form the video. I think that she did a pretty good job with examples. The one thing that maybe I would have liked to see more of was deciphering the lyrics; she did it twice and I really liked that she did.
Examples from the text
1) what you are reading is gibberish…
This is where she starts off telling about
Them making fun of the religion, because
You can’t understand the words that are written.
2) She Quotes a specific line from the lyrics and
Then deciphers what they mean
3) she then uses another specific quote to get her
Point about the people called the “bald heads”
4) points of specific words of the text about the word
Jah which means god in the religion
Examples from the video
1) Talks about how the character is dressed and explains why he is dressed like that.
Well before or after every example she stated why she used that example. She made sure we knew why she thought the writers used these lyrics. She addresses the repetition, the humor and some rhetoric. The essay also has some of the quotes in the lyrics deciphered and what that means to the Rastafarian religion. There where some murky areas and she could have maybe used some different examples and use more rhetoric. I think the conclusion needs a little work. It ends very abruptly.
More analysis needed
1)oh fire pon Babylon and fire pon a batty boy rude boy living in the shanty dorms my roommate Nick is an ignorant bald-head.”
…Why did they use this sentence, does it invoke rhetoric?
2)“Are you there Jah? It’s me, Ras Trent.”.. you said that this invokes pathos, how?
3) you could look at ethos for this song, was it ethical to make fun of the Rastafarian religion.
The thing that sticks with me was the paragraph where she deciphers some of the lyrics. When you picked out word from the sentence and explained what they meant to the Rastafarian religion.
Reviewed by mary martin
Kevins peer-review of "?"
1. The thesis is clear - For this reason it is difficult to deconstruct the lyrics to this song to, or find an over all message. It deals with the rhetoric used within the song but also the subject matter. It states that the text and videos are not your everyday contemporary music, but rather inspired by strong visuals and altered perception from the effects of LSD. This makes it hard to understand, because they were thinking in a different perspective from the LSD. The video is full of things that wouldn't make sense to a sober human being. It also referes to another song which makes you question some of the content of "I am the Walrus." This adds to the idea that we don't really know what they meant, at least we don't know while thinking soberly.
2. The writer does provide examples within the text supporting his argument.
-the chorus is shown as an example of randomness
-another song is refereed to called "The Glass Onion" which speaks of this song
-the line about penguins kicking Edgar Allan Poe shows the craziness of the trip
-the costumes in the video were mentioned
-the style of the video is different from most, background, theme, sounds, etc
He could use some more examples including,
-the ethos of the beatles and how that effects their message
-he could add how the song compares to their other music
-he could add more examples from the actual text to simulate the idea of the unknown
As far as the argument as a whole, the intent could be more descriptive. I got the idea of it being different, but its overshadowed by the effects of LSD. I dont know if there is a point.
3. The writer does provide an analysis of his examples. He states that they are altered by the drugs. The whole group of the beatles and who they were explained as support. Also, the comparison with the comments of John Lenon was a good analysis to the current day ghetto slang. The writer could provide some more analysis including:
-more about the meaning of the costumes
-the video effets on the mind and how it is percieved
-analyze the effects of the music on the current culture
-analyze what it was like to actually be able to come up with those lyrics
4. The idea of how this whole song was made stuck to me the most. LSD strongly influenced this music and that is seen through the song. The paper was interesting and had some comical references that made me chuckle. This is probably most vivid to me because I have seen the effects of LSD and it boggles the mind how powerful it is, and the complete shift of perception and reality.
2. The writer does provide examples within the text supporting his argument.
-the chorus is shown as an example of randomness
-another song is refereed to called "The Glass Onion" which speaks of this song
-the line about penguins kicking Edgar Allan Poe shows the craziness of the trip
-the costumes in the video were mentioned
-the style of the video is different from most, background, theme, sounds, etc
He could use some more examples including,
-the ethos of the beatles and how that effects their message
-he could add how the song compares to their other music
-he could add more examples from the actual text to simulate the idea of the unknown
As far as the argument as a whole, the intent could be more descriptive. I got the idea of it being different, but its overshadowed by the effects of LSD. I dont know if there is a point.
3. The writer does provide an analysis of his examples. He states that they are altered by the drugs. The whole group of the beatles and who they were explained as support. Also, the comparison with the comments of John Lenon was a good analysis to the current day ghetto slang. The writer could provide some more analysis including:
-more about the meaning of the costumes
-the video effets on the mind and how it is percieved
-analyze the effects of the music on the current culture
-analyze what it was like to actually be able to come up with those lyrics
4. The idea of how this whole song was made stuck to me the most. LSD strongly influenced this music and that is seen through the song. The paper was interesting and had some comical references that made me chuckle. This is probably most vivid to me because I have seen the effects of LSD and it boggles the mind how powerful it is, and the complete shift of perception and reality.
Peer edit for Rachelle for The People
1. In the first draft there is a clear thesis: He uses methods such as particular diction, descriptive language, pathos and ethos, metaphors, symbolism, repetition, and references to get his point across. It deals with the rhetoric and the subject matter because the thesis is stating all of the different methods that he uses in order to get the argument across. The writer states the argument of the text by explaining how it’s about people struggling to survive but being motivated to progress by their culture. She also goes on to list some examples of lines throughout the song which make the argument of it come out stronger. She also goes on to talk about the video and how things from the video affect the meaning of the argument. The argument of the text and video are both identified in this piece.
2. She provided examples from both the text and the video.
Text:
· Line ten talking about families trying to make it.
· Line twenty and the use of symbolism.
· Different word choices from the text were further explained.
· Different line dealing with imagery were explained.
Video:
· Talking about filming techniques to get the main point across.
· Different motions to symbolize certain lines in the text.
These examples were explained pretty well. Some more explanation on the symbolism might be helpful for in the second draft.
3. The writer provides many examples in her thesis that help this argument such as diction, ethos, pathos, symbolism and references. She did a good job throughout the essay to explain how each help the argument. She goes in to explain how certain slang words that he uses help to get the point across. She also goes in to talk about a few examples of how symbolism also help to get this argument out. She even added some examples of imagery to get the point out. Some things that could be put into it more are examples of metaphors and references because they’re stated in the thesis but not explained too much in the actual writing.
4. The line that stuck with me the most was “from the bounce to the ounce.” Once I read it in the actual lyrics it didn’t mean too much to me but she went on to give a very good explanation of the line which stuck with me. She even explained certain word choices that the writer chose to use such as the meaning of “ounce” and the meaning of “bounce.”
Peer Edit from Brittani Beats
2. She provided examples from both the text and the video.
Text:
· Line ten talking about families trying to make it.
· Line twenty and the use of symbolism.
· Different word choices from the text were further explained.
· Different line dealing with imagery were explained.
Video:
· Talking about filming techniques to get the main point across.
· Different motions to symbolize certain lines in the text.
These examples were explained pretty well. Some more explanation on the symbolism might be helpful for in the second draft.
3. The writer provides many examples in her thesis that help this argument such as diction, ethos, pathos, symbolism and references. She did a good job throughout the essay to explain how each help the argument. She goes in to explain how certain slang words that he uses help to get the point across. She also goes in to talk about a few examples of how symbolism also help to get this argument out. She even added some examples of imagery to get the point out. Some things that could be put into it more are examples of metaphors and references because they’re stated in the thesis but not explained too much in the actual writing.
4. The line that stuck with me the most was “from the bounce to the ounce.” Once I read it in the actual lyrics it didn’t mean too much to me but she went on to give a very good explanation of the line which stuck with me. She even explained certain word choices that the writer chose to use such as the meaning of “ounce” and the meaning of “bounce.”
Peer Edit from Brittani Beats
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Amber Lescalleet (Rhetorical Analysis Essay Draft #1)
Amber Lescalleet
Rhetorical Analysis Essay Draft #1
Video Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S38-mjy5NtA
Song Lyrics: Thriving Ivory “Angels on the Moon”
Do you dream, that the world will know your name
So tell me your name
Do you care, about all the little things or anything at all?
I wanna feel, all the chemicals inside I wanna feel
I wanna sunburn, just to know that I'm alive
To know I'm alive
Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon
Do you believe, in the day that you were born
Tell me do you believe?
Do you know, that everyday's the first of the rest of your life
Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon
This is to one last day in the shadows
And to know a brother's love
This is to New York City angels
And the rivers of our blood
This is to all of us, to all of us
Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon
You can tell me all your thoughts, about the stars that fill polluted skies
And show me where you run to, when no one's left to take your side
But don't tell me where the road ends, cause I just don't wanna know, No I don't wanna know
Don't tell me if I'm dying
Don't tell me if I'm dying
Don't tell me if I'm dying
Rhetorical Analysis Essay Draft #1
Video Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S38-mjy5NtA
Song Lyrics: Thriving Ivory “Angels on the Moon”
Do you dream, that the world will know your name
So tell me your name
Do you care, about all the little things or anything at all?
I wanna feel, all the chemicals inside I wanna feel
I wanna sunburn, just to know that I'm alive
To know I'm alive
Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon
Do you believe, in the day that you were born
Tell me do you believe?
Do you know, that everyday's the first of the rest of your life
Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon
This is to one last day in the shadows
And to know a brother's love
This is to New York City angels
And the rivers of our blood
This is to all of us, to all of us
Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon
You can tell me all your thoughts, about the stars that fill polluted skies
And show me where you run to, when no one's left to take your side
But don't tell me where the road ends, cause I just don't wanna know, No I don't wanna know
Don't tell me if I'm dying
Don't tell me if I'm dying
Don't tell me if I'm dying
Rhetorical Analysis:
Intro- Thriving Ivory is a rock band that originated from San Francisco, California in 2004. The group consists of 5 male members; Clayton Stroope: Lead Vocals, Scott Jason: Piano and Keys, Drew Cribley: Guitars and Back-up Vocals, Brett Cohune: Bass, and last but not least Paul Niedermier: Drums and Percussion. Most of the songs I have heard by Thriving Ivory are very inspirational and are filled with various meanings. The one song that has caught my attention since it has become incredibly popular on rock radio channels in the past couple months is their hit song “Angel’s on the Moon”.
Meaning- Thriving Ivory’s song “Angels on the Moon” explains how things change and people come and go out of your life in a flash. Time flies by even when so many things happen in a day. All experiences are good or bad, happy or sad. In everyday life people, places, and events are taken for granted and we push them into the back of our minds or do not even worry about them at all. Through hard times people like to take the easy way out, avoiding problems and decisions that they do not want to make. Dreaming of angels on the moon gives out a feeling of imagining a world that does not take for granted the important things in life and seeing people worry about the important thing in life instead of the materialistic parts. The song makes you realize the everyone’s become kind of self absorbed in their everyday lives and do not really pay attention to the broad picture like what our “neighbors” are going through in this time of war, people with health issues, and foreign countries issues. They express how people can start over because every day is a new day and you can start over to live your life better than before in the lyrics; Do you know, that everyday’s the first day of the rest of your life. Video&Sound- In the video, Thriving Ivory seems so passionate about their feelings. Just the dazical view and black and white explain how life is black and white. It shows that things are unsure and things are getting dark. There are parts in the video when the sun looks like it is going to shine and that shows that things can still brighten back up if people or society want to make that change. The music video also helps us have a better understanding that this song is to make people understand that we are the only one that can change things. Just the way Clayton Stroope, the lead vocalist sings and uses his facial expressions in the video as he sings the song, he seems sincere and extremely passionate about a change. And I think that is how all of us should be because there is a dark side of life and people are too wrapped up in the past and everyday is a new beginning. Nothing seems to have life/color to it anymore.
"I Am the Walrus" is a song by The Beatles. The songs lyrical content is much different than that of other songs of its time. "I am the eggman, they are the eggmen, I am the walrus", are lyrics that to the naked eye probably don’t make any sense, as they should being that they are inspired by an LSD trip. All the lyrics to the song describe images that John Lennon saw while taking LSD. Images such as "yellow custard dripping from a dead dogs eye", and "elementary penguins kicking Edgar Allan Poe". For one to experience seeing these things may disturb most people, or even cause some form of mental damage, as of course LSD can do to people. Not for John Lennon, for him they gave the inspiration to create art. For this reason it is difficult to deconstruct the lyrics to this song to, or find an over all message. Though in a different song "The Glass Onion" on the White Album John says, "The walrus is Paul". Meaning that the walrus is actually Paul McCartney. Does this mean that while on LSD John thought that Paul was a walrus?
The video to "I Am the Walrus" is not typical music video like in today’s contemporary music culture. It is a part of the movie "The Magical Mystery Tour", which is the same as the album title the song is on. The content of the "video" consists of the Beatles going through the motions of playing their instruments, when they’re clearly not really playing anything. They also dress up like a walrus, eggmen, police officers, and other such creatures. The video like the song does not have much central structure, or really a point to it other than to dazzle the eye! I can only guess that it is the Beatles attempt at trying to simulate Johns LSD trip, to give the casual Beatles fan a window into the mind of a drugged out hippie musician.
The rhetoric of the songs lyrics are very abstract, and describe things that are at the time of an almost inappropriate nature such as, "girl you let your nickers down". Though that is nothing compared to the "songs" written today by illiterate ghetto dwellers. I don’t know what pathos is in the song being that I don’t believe that John is trying to derive pity from people with his lyrics. The target audience I believe would be that of drugged out hippies, beatnik hipsters, and art fags. The lyrics are very abstract, the music is almost eerie with piano and orchestra, and the video is......well just watch the video. Final summation, Hell if I know.
I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly.I'm crying.Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come.Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody tuesday.Man, you been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long.I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob.Mister city policeman sittingPretty little policemen in a row.See how they fly like lucy in the sky, see how they run.I'm crying, i'm crying.I'm crying, i'm crying.Yellow matter custard, dripping from a dead dog's eye.Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess,Boy, you been a naughty girl you let your knickers down.I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob.Sitting in an english garden waiting for the sun.If the sun don't come, you get a tanFrom standing in the english rain.I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob g'goo goo g'joob.Expert textpert choking smokers,Don't you thing the joker laughs at you?See how they smile like pigs in a sty,See how they snied.I'm crying.Semolina pilchard, climbing up the eiffel tower.Elementary penguin singing hari krishna.Man, you should have seen them kicking edgar allan poe.I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob g'goo goo g'joob.Goo goo g'joob g'goo goo g'joob g'goo.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqOKvonLrH8
The video to "I Am the Walrus" is not typical music video like in today’s contemporary music culture. It is a part of the movie "The Magical Mystery Tour", which is the same as the album title the song is on. The content of the "video" consists of the Beatles going through the motions of playing their instruments, when they’re clearly not really playing anything. They also dress up like a walrus, eggmen, police officers, and other such creatures. The video like the song does not have much central structure, or really a point to it other than to dazzle the eye! I can only guess that it is the Beatles attempt at trying to simulate Johns LSD trip, to give the casual Beatles fan a window into the mind of a drugged out hippie musician.
The rhetoric of the songs lyrics are very abstract, and describe things that are at the time of an almost inappropriate nature such as, "girl you let your nickers down". Though that is nothing compared to the "songs" written today by illiterate ghetto dwellers. I don’t know what pathos is in the song being that I don’t believe that John is trying to derive pity from people with his lyrics. The target audience I believe would be that of drugged out hippies, beatnik hipsters, and art fags. The lyrics are very abstract, the music is almost eerie with piano and orchestra, and the video is......well just watch the video. Final summation, Hell if I know.
I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly.I'm crying.Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come.Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody tuesday.Man, you been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long.I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob.Mister city policeman sittingPretty little policemen in a row.See how they fly like lucy in the sky, see how they run.I'm crying, i'm crying.I'm crying, i'm crying.Yellow matter custard, dripping from a dead dog's eye.Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess,Boy, you been a naughty girl you let your knickers down.I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob.Sitting in an english garden waiting for the sun.If the sun don't come, you get a tanFrom standing in the english rain.I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob g'goo goo g'joob.Expert textpert choking smokers,Don't you thing the joker laughs at you?See how they smile like pigs in a sty,See how they snied.I'm crying.Semolina pilchard, climbing up the eiffel tower.Elementary penguin singing hari krishna.Man, you should have seen them kicking edgar allan poe.I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob g'goo goo g'joob.Goo goo g'joob g'goo goo g'joob g'goo.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqOKvonLrH8
"Spotlight" by Jennifer Hudson
Nicole Brittain
Essay draft 1
Song: "Spotlight" by Jennifer Hudson
Lyrics link: http://www.metrolyrics.com/spotlight-lyrics-jennifer-hudson.html
Video link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ojza4LcC-4
In 2007, she released her hit single “Spotlight”. In the song, Jennifer starts out addressing her man. She asks him if he truly loves her.
“Are you a man who loves and cherishes and cares for me?”
This use of direct questioning automatically grabs your attention. Perhaps the men listening start to think of the woman in their life.
If the first line gives the impression that the song will be sweet, the next line gets into the true meat and potatoes of the tune.
“Are you a guard in a prison maximum security?”
Jennifer asks this question to get to the basis of what her song is about. She is a strong woman in a suffocating, controlling relationship. She does not want to be “ locked away out of fear that [she’ll] find someone else”
“Do we stay home all the time cause you want me to yourself?”
Jennifer uses the catchy repetition of the question , “Is that you, is that you…?” as sort of a background line in the song.
In the chorus, Ms. Hudson makes a stand. Loud and proud she sing to her beau.
“I don’t like, living under your spotlight, just because you think I might, find somebody worthy..”
She then says that if he would just do the right thing, love her freely and let her live, she will do the right thing. She wants to be with him, but she wants it to be her own free will. She doesn’t want to be a “Prisoner of his love.
“Baby if you treat me right you don’t have to worry.”
She gives the her ultimatum to the man she is writing for,
“If this love, real real love then I’m staying, no doubt, But if I’m just loves prisoner then Im busting out” She wants him to love her right, if not she’s leaving.
The video for the song “Spotlight” helps convey the emotion and strength felt in the song. The mini skit starts out with Jennifer on the phone with her girlfriend. She is complaining about being “smothered” by her boyfriend. Her girlfriend tells her to just get on her shoes and go out! Just then her boyfriend calls on the other line to see where she is and ask why she hasn’t called all day.
She tells him she will call him back. Instead of calling though, Jennifer puts on her boots and goes out to the club. The majority of the video is then focused on Jennifer singing her song. Towards the end, her man shows up at the club. She takes him into a room where she makes her final stand to him.
“You ought to be ashamed of yourself, what do you think you’re doing?”
“Loving me, loving me so wrong..”.
She pulls her man into her as if she’s going to kiss him. She then pushes him away. It seems as though she’s saying, “I love you, but let me love you rather than make me.”
The final verse of the song is the bottom line of what she wants her boyfriend to know.
“…All I do is try to show you that you’re my one and only guy, no matter who may come along…”.
What I gathered from reading listening to this song, is a sense of feminine strength in a relationship. Perhaps Jennifer felt objectified by her boyfriend, rather than human. I think the fact that she is an artist very much in the real life “spotlight”, is an irony. The song leaves you wondering what would become of their relationship had it been true?
Essay draft 1
Song: "Spotlight" by Jennifer Hudson
Lyrics link: http://www.metrolyrics.com/spotlight-lyrics-jennifer-hudson.html
Video link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ojza4LcC-4
Prisoner of Love
Jennifer Hudson is a well known female vocalist. She broke into the mainstream of music after her success on “American Idol” (2004). Her debut album has topped the Billboard Music charts. Along with being an accomplished musician, she has also gone on to star in movies. She has won a Golden Globe and an Oscar for her role in the movie “Dream Girls.In 2007, she released her hit single “Spotlight”. In the song, Jennifer starts out addressing her man. She asks him if he truly loves her.
“Are you a man who loves and cherishes and cares for me?”
This use of direct questioning automatically grabs your attention. Perhaps the men listening start to think of the woman in their life.
If the first line gives the impression that the song will be sweet, the next line gets into the true meat and potatoes of the tune.
“Are you a guard in a prison maximum security?”
Jennifer asks this question to get to the basis of what her song is about. She is a strong woman in a suffocating, controlling relationship. She does not want to be “ locked away out of fear that [she’ll] find someone else”
“Do we stay home all the time cause you want me to yourself?”
Jennifer uses the catchy repetition of the question , “Is that you, is that you…?” as sort of a background line in the song.
In the chorus, Ms. Hudson makes a stand. Loud and proud she sing to her beau.
“I don’t like, living under your spotlight, just because you think I might, find somebody worthy..”
She then says that if he would just do the right thing, love her freely and let her live, she will do the right thing. She wants to be with him, but she wants it to be her own free will. She doesn’t want to be a “Prisoner of his love.
“Baby if you treat me right you don’t have to worry.”
She gives the her ultimatum to the man she is writing for,
“If this love, real real love then I’m staying, no doubt, But if I’m just loves prisoner then Im busting out” She wants him to love her right, if not she’s leaving.
The video for the song “Spotlight” helps convey the emotion and strength felt in the song. The mini skit starts out with Jennifer on the phone with her girlfriend. She is complaining about being “smothered” by her boyfriend. Her girlfriend tells her to just get on her shoes and go out! Just then her boyfriend calls on the other line to see where she is and ask why she hasn’t called all day.
She tells him she will call him back. Instead of calling though, Jennifer puts on her boots and goes out to the club. The majority of the video is then focused on Jennifer singing her song. Towards the end, her man shows up at the club. She takes him into a room where she makes her final stand to him.
“You ought to be ashamed of yourself, what do you think you’re doing?”
“Loving me, loving me so wrong..”.
She pulls her man into her as if she’s going to kiss him. She then pushes him away. It seems as though she’s saying, “I love you, but let me love you rather than make me.”
The final verse of the song is the bottom line of what she wants her boyfriend to know.
“…All I do is try to show you that you’re my one and only guy, no matter who may come along…”.
What I gathered from reading listening to this song, is a sense of feminine strength in a relationship. Perhaps Jennifer felt objectified by her boyfriend, rather than human. I think the fact that she is an artist very much in the real life “spotlight”, is an irony. The song leaves you wondering what would become of their relationship had it been true?
If I Were A Boy. SMS
If I Were A Boy
If I were a Boy, is a song written by Beyonce, a well known R&B artist. In this song Beyonce convinces the reader that, she would be a better man than her boyfriend. She backs this up by using the lyrics for the song as well as the video. Before watching the video, I liked the song a lot, which was different, because this isn't my typical genre of music I listen to. The lyrics really caught my attention, for several reasons. First, I have always liked the slower songs, and I also like things to do with relationships, good or bad. Also, because I have actually thought the same way Beyonce has several times in my life. Sometimes when I'd get in a fight with my boyfriend, I would think that I could be the better boyfriend for me, since I know exactly what I like and how I like to be treated. Once I watched the video, it made the understanding of the song a bit unclear. For me, the video was different than many other's I've watched before. It is actually a bit confusing at first to understand. I had to watch it several times and still could be wrong with my own interpretation of it. However, I do think this helps her. Because the music video is different, it can drawl more attention to it, and get a bigger audience.
The lyrics of the song help back up Beyonce's thesis. She uses pathos as a form of rhetoric to connect her audience emotionally with the song. At first, she would say ways her boyfriend wasn't so good. For an example, she says that he drinks with his friends and chases after other girls. These, obviously are examples of a poor relationship. This could really help the reader connect emotionally to the song. I think all or at least many people, boy or girl, has gone through a relationship like this, where they have been treated badly or unfair, making them less of a person. I believe another aspect that helps connect the audience to this song is the tone or the way Beyonce sings. You can almost hear the pain in her voice as she sings, it sort of makes us think, “Yeah, I've been through that too,” or “ I know how it feels”, which all help us connect with her emotionally.
The music video for this song, can really change it up a bit, or make you understand it more. Beyonce used a lot of imagery, to help persuade the reader of her thesis. At the beginning, for example, the video showed her and her boyfriend say, “Intimacy. Honesty. Commitment.You. Me. Us,”. This meant a lot to me, and showed a lot of imagery because all of the things they said are parts that contribute to a good and healthy relationship. By saying these at the beginning of the song, it can show the reader in their mind what a good relationship includes. Later, while watching the video, you see how bad their relationship is. I think the part in the beginning really helps this, because you can compare in your heads the big difference between what was said in the beginning and what the video tells you.
Like I said before, the video was the more confusing part. It showed Beyonce as the girl, but acting rude, dishonest, and unloving towards the boyfriend. She would be the one going to work, flirting with her partner, and not answering her boyfriends phone call. This was all confusing at first, then near the end of the video it paused. He started asking her why she acts that way, and she comes back by saying, “What? It's not like I'm sleeping with the guy.” This is where everything changes. Beyonce then reverses it and is now the one asking him this, who then comes back and says the same thing about him not sleeping with the girl... After this, you now watch the real situation that occurred, having the guy go to work, flirting and possibly cheating on her with other girls. Although this was a little weird or different, and definitely confusing, I think it works well and was a good way to illustrate the song. By having a video like that, it puts the guy in her place, he was the one who gets hurt, which in real life we might sometimes wish we could do.
I think the argument does have a clear purpose, which is to inform other couples that treating each other like this will not get you anywhere, and for them to realize how it would hurt each other. I also think that the song's main audience would be teenagers. And even though it seems to be geared towards girls, it could also be reversed and be for boys as well, because it is not always the girl who is being treated this way in a relationship. Although this song or argument could be something for older couples as well, I think it is still mainly geared towards the younger audience. I believe this because, for one, the singer is Beyonce, who is younger and makes music that is mainly listened to by young people. Also, because I believe younger couples would have more problems like this, rather than older couples. I usually see older couples as more mature and responsible, not to be found in the same situation. I think Beyonce's song or argument was an accomplishment, because of some of the responses by teens on Youtube, saying that they loved it, and that they know how it feels to be treated like that. Also, because it has become a popular song, watched and listened to by millions. I think this song is important because the argument can relate to many peoples relationships today. I think that it can possibly help people who treat their spouse like this, really think about how the other person feels. Which could possibly help make many relationships better.
Lyrics...
If I were a boyEven just for a dayI’d roll outta bed in the morningAnd throw on what I wanted then goDrink beer with the guysAnd chase after girlsI’d kick it with who I watedAnd I’d never get confronted for it.Cause they’d stick up for me.
[Chorus]If I were a boyI think I could understandHow it feels to love a girlI swear I’d be a better man.I’d listen to herCause I know how it hurtsWhen you lose the one you wantedCause he’s taken you for grantedAnd everything you had got destroyed
If I were a boyI could turn off my phoneTell evveryone it’s brokenSo they’d think that I was sleepin’ aloneI’d put myself firstAnd make the rules as I goCause I know that she’d be faithfulWaitin’ for me to come home (to come home)
(Chorus)
It’s a little too late for you to come backSay its just a mistakeThink I’d forgive you like thatIf you thought I would wait for youYou thought wrong
(Chorus)
But you’re just a boyYou don’t understandYeah you don’t understandHow it feels to love a girl somedayYou wish you were a better manYou don’t listen to herYou don’t care how it hurtsUntil you lose the one you wantedCause you’ve taken her for grantedAnd everything you have got destroyedBut you’re just a boy
If I were a Boy, is a song written by Beyonce, a well known R&B artist. In this song Beyonce convinces the reader that, she would be a better man than her boyfriend. She backs this up by using the lyrics for the song as well as the video. Before watching the video, I liked the song a lot, which was different, because this isn't my typical genre of music I listen to. The lyrics really caught my attention, for several reasons. First, I have always liked the slower songs, and I also like things to do with relationships, good or bad. Also, because I have actually thought the same way Beyonce has several times in my life. Sometimes when I'd get in a fight with my boyfriend, I would think that I could be the better boyfriend for me, since I know exactly what I like and how I like to be treated. Once I watched the video, it made the understanding of the song a bit unclear. For me, the video was different than many other's I've watched before. It is actually a bit confusing at first to understand. I had to watch it several times and still could be wrong with my own interpretation of it. However, I do think this helps her. Because the music video is different, it can drawl more attention to it, and get a bigger audience.
The lyrics of the song help back up Beyonce's thesis. She uses pathos as a form of rhetoric to connect her audience emotionally with the song. At first, she would say ways her boyfriend wasn't so good. For an example, she says that he drinks with his friends and chases after other girls. These, obviously are examples of a poor relationship. This could really help the reader connect emotionally to the song. I think all or at least many people, boy or girl, has gone through a relationship like this, where they have been treated badly or unfair, making them less of a person. I believe another aspect that helps connect the audience to this song is the tone or the way Beyonce sings. You can almost hear the pain in her voice as she sings, it sort of makes us think, “Yeah, I've been through that too,” or “ I know how it feels”, which all help us connect with her emotionally.
The music video for this song, can really change it up a bit, or make you understand it more. Beyonce used a lot of imagery, to help persuade the reader of her thesis. At the beginning, for example, the video showed her and her boyfriend say, “Intimacy. Honesty. Commitment.You. Me. Us,”. This meant a lot to me, and showed a lot of imagery because all of the things they said are parts that contribute to a good and healthy relationship. By saying these at the beginning of the song, it can show the reader in their mind what a good relationship includes. Later, while watching the video, you see how bad their relationship is. I think the part in the beginning really helps this, because you can compare in your heads the big difference between what was said in the beginning and what the video tells you.
Like I said before, the video was the more confusing part. It showed Beyonce as the girl, but acting rude, dishonest, and unloving towards the boyfriend. She would be the one going to work, flirting with her partner, and not answering her boyfriends phone call. This was all confusing at first, then near the end of the video it paused. He started asking her why she acts that way, and she comes back by saying, “What? It's not like I'm sleeping with the guy.” This is where everything changes. Beyonce then reverses it and is now the one asking him this, who then comes back and says the same thing about him not sleeping with the girl... After this, you now watch the real situation that occurred, having the guy go to work, flirting and possibly cheating on her with other girls. Although this was a little weird or different, and definitely confusing, I think it works well and was a good way to illustrate the song. By having a video like that, it puts the guy in her place, he was the one who gets hurt, which in real life we might sometimes wish we could do.
I think the argument does have a clear purpose, which is to inform other couples that treating each other like this will not get you anywhere, and for them to realize how it would hurt each other. I also think that the song's main audience would be teenagers. And even though it seems to be geared towards girls, it could also be reversed and be for boys as well, because it is not always the girl who is being treated this way in a relationship. Although this song or argument could be something for older couples as well, I think it is still mainly geared towards the younger audience. I believe this because, for one, the singer is Beyonce, who is younger and makes music that is mainly listened to by young people. Also, because I believe younger couples would have more problems like this, rather than older couples. I usually see older couples as more mature and responsible, not to be found in the same situation. I think Beyonce's song or argument was an accomplishment, because of some of the responses by teens on Youtube, saying that they loved it, and that they know how it feels to be treated like that. Also, because it has become a popular song, watched and listened to by millions. I think this song is important because the argument can relate to many peoples relationships today. I think that it can possibly help people who treat their spouse like this, really think about how the other person feels. Which could possibly help make many relationships better.
Lyrics...
If I were a boyEven just for a dayI’d roll outta bed in the morningAnd throw on what I wanted then goDrink beer with the guysAnd chase after girlsI’d kick it with who I watedAnd I’d never get confronted for it.Cause they’d stick up for me.
[Chorus]If I were a boyI think I could understandHow it feels to love a girlI swear I’d be a better man.I’d listen to herCause I know how it hurtsWhen you lose the one you wantedCause he’s taken you for grantedAnd everything you had got destroyed
If I were a boyI could turn off my phoneTell evveryone it’s brokenSo they’d think that I was sleepin’ aloneI’d put myself firstAnd make the rules as I goCause I know that she’d be faithfulWaitin’ for me to come home (to come home)
(Chorus)
It’s a little too late for you to come backSay its just a mistakeThink I’d forgive you like thatIf you thought I would wait for youYou thought wrong
(Chorus)
But you’re just a boyYou don’t understandYeah you don’t understandHow it feels to love a girl somedayYou wish you were a better manYou don’t listen to herYou don’t care how it hurtsUntil you lose the one you wantedCause you’ve taken her for grantedAnd everything you have got destroyedBut you’re just a boy
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