Peer edit for Rachelle for The People

1. In the first draft there is a clear thesis: He uses methods such as particular diction, descriptive language, pathos and ethos, metaphors, symbolism, repetition, and references to get his point across. It deals with the rhetoric and the subject matter because the thesis is stating all of the different methods that he uses in order to get the argument across. The writer states the argument of the text by explaining how it’s about people struggling to survive but being motivated to progress by their culture. She also goes on to list some examples of lines throughout the song which make the argument of it come out stronger. She also goes on to talk about the video and how things from the video affect the meaning of the argument. The argument of the text and video are both identified in this piece.
2. She provided examples from both the text and the video.
Text:
· Line ten talking about families trying to make it.
· Line twenty and the use of symbolism.
· Different word choices from the text were further explained.
· Different line dealing with imagery were explained.
Video:
· Talking about filming techniques to get the main point across.
· Different motions to symbolize certain lines in the text.
These examples were explained pretty well. Some more explanation on the symbolism might be helpful for in the second draft.
3. The writer provides many examples in her thesis that help this argument such as diction, ethos, pathos, symbolism and references. She did a good job throughout the essay to explain how each help the argument. She goes in to explain how certain slang words that he uses help to get the point across. She also goes in to talk about a few examples of how symbolism also help to get this argument out. She even added some examples of imagery to get the point out. Some things that could be put into it more are examples of metaphors and references because they’re stated in the thesis but not explained too much in the actual writing.
4. The line that stuck with me the most was “from the bounce to the ounce.” Once I read it in the actual lyrics it didn’t mean too much to me but she went on to give a very good explanation of the line which stuck with me. She even explained certain word choices that the writer chose to use such as the meaning of “ounce” and the meaning of “bounce.”

Peer Edit from Brittani Beats